Speaker 1: 0:36

Welcome back to Speak Out Standout. I'm Elizabeth Green and today's guest is Samantha Foote. Samantha is a board certified music therapist and parent and coach with a mission to strengthen, guide and empower parents and children to develop emotional awareness, improve social skills and gain effective coping skills through music. So, Samantha, we're really excited to have you here today. Thanks for your time.

Speaker 2: 0:59

Yeah, thanks for having me on, I'm excited.

Speaker 1: 1:02

So, samantha, let's start first of all, like how did you I mean, that's a quick little synopsis, a very quick synopsis of what you do, but how did you get to this point where your business and your mission is to focus on using music to build and strengthen relationships?

Speaker 2: 1:18

Yeah, so it actually starts in high school and I had there was this kid with autism that I went to church with and everyone's like, oh, you don't talk to him because he has autism. And I was like autism, what's autism? And so I started like researching that and then I found music and I was like I need to know what I'm going to be studying in college. And so I was a junior in high school because I'm like that, and I found I was like I want psychology and I want music, and so I found music therapy, which was super awesome. And then through school and music, through school, I just gravitated towards children and then I mostly work with kids and adults with autism and other developmental disabilities. But I really want to help those kids and I also work with parents now just to connect with each other and learn how to connect better and speak each other's language so that they can have that stronger relationship that they want.

Speaker 1: 2:15

Yeah, and that's so important and obviously that's, you know, the goal of what we're after here at Speak Out Standout is to give parents those skills so we can build the you know, build those relationships at home. But how does this tie into music? What does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 2: 2:31

Yeah, so music. I like the, I like the quote. When words fail, music speaks, and so when you don't know what to say or you don't quite know the words, then you can always use music and that can help people come together and they actually. There's a lot of benefits to playing music. So if you play music in a group or with other people, then your empathy circuits in your brain like improve and your cortisol decreases and you're just able to connect with people in a way that you wouldn't be able to any other way.

Speaker 1: 3:03

I think that I mean the most that I could relate to this or have any understanding of it is that I know if I'm feeling down, turning on music helps. Or if people are in it's like that time of the evening where everybody's starting to get a little agitated just because lots of things going on, that turning on music can oftentimes help slow things down a little bit. So I don't know the ins and outs of why, but I know that it does work here in my house with just it, depending on what we're listening to. So well, how do we take this and run with this at home and use music therapy to support our kids and help our kids learn how to communicate?

Speaker 2: 3:41

So there is a few things that you can do at home and if you want to work with a music therapist, definitely look one up in your area because they can do tailored Taylor a plan to you. But if, let's say, you're having your child is very angry and you want to use music to get them to a more peaceful setting, there's a thing called the ISO principle and it's where you take and you listen to music. That's what is your emotional state at the moment. So you, if you're feeling angry, you just don't want to turn on happy music. That won't Lead your body to happiness as well as if you turn on angry music and then you slowly go to happy music, then you're more likely to stay in that zone and it gets you there more easily.

Speaker 1: 4:27

Then, if you just jolted your body into the happy music because your body needs to process those emotions, even if you don't understand it, on like in your mind, your body can process those emotions using that different kind of music and so when you say they're like listening to angry music, I like nothing comes to mind there, and maybe it's just because of my taste in music, I don't know but like I wouldn't know what to turn on, and certainly my kids wouldn't know what to turn on.

Speaker 2: 4:52

How do we have so you can talk to a music therapist and also just think about your different tastes in music. So when I think of angry music, I think of Lincoln Park, and so I might turn on Lincoln Park and then end up like if my kids, like three years old, like end up with the wheels on the bus, you know, but um it just, it really depends on your taste. Like everyone's angry music I'm using air quotes everyone's angry music might be different. So whatever is angry to you so like there is a song on Mario, like Bowser's theme or something like that that one of my kids listened to and they're like this is angry music. And so if, if he was angry and I wanted to get him to a happier state, I would probably turn on like a Mario theme song, like the Bowser song, and then go to a different Mario song because he's super into Mario Brothers right now. So it's all in what your kids are interested in.

Speaker 1: 5:51

Gotcha, and did they even? Do you discuss this with them and they know that this is what you're doing by playing the different types of music or is it something that we can just do us, knowing that it has benefits for them?

Speaker 2: 6:02

When kids are dysregulated, I have found that using the least amount of words possible is the best. So If you want to talk to them about what you did after you do it, I think that's a great idea. Be like okay, the next time this happens we're gonna turn on some music, we're gonna turn on some angry music and then we're gonna go to happy music and we're just gonna go on that journey together. But if they're angry and you're wanting to do this, I want to talk to them and be like okay, now I'm gonna turn on this music and then we're gonna listen to this music. I would just do it, gotcha.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Okay, okay. So let's back up just a little bit too. You said when they're dysregulated, what does that mean?

Speaker 2: 6:39

so if you're overwhelmed, everyone gets dysregulated, just emotionally dysregulated, where you just can't think straight because Just everything is happening. So so you might feel overwhelmed just from the lights being too bright or there's noise going on, or your clothes are itchy, or Just everything is happening at the same time, and that that's when you get really dysregulated. But, like for my kids, they might get dysregulated because they have to wear a long-sleeve shirt and so they're just angry, and so then when one little thing happens that tips the scale, and so then they have to, they get dysregulated. You know their body is dysregulated.

Speaker 1: 7:17

So it's not just a state of mind, it's an actual physical thing as well, right? Yeah, it could be yeah. Experiencing it physically. Yeah, and then like what are your? I know you have tips and strategies for dealing with that dysregulation, For both adults and for kids. So what are like? What are some of your go-tos that you share with people?

Speaker 2: 7:37

Yeah, so if a kid is having a hard time processing an emotion Before they get into that dysregulated state, we might talk about emotion. So I use the spot books by Diane Albert and those are for kids a little bit younger, but I also like they're for four to eight year olds, but they can be used for older kids just to illustrate the point. And then we talk about what anger might look like. We go through the five senses, so what does it look like, what does it feel like, what does it sound like, like all those different things. And then we write a song about how it looks, how it feels, how it tastes all that different stuff. And then we might say when we're sad, well, sadness makes me, no, what was I gonna say? Oh sorry, like something makes me sad, so this makes me sad.

Speaker 2: 8:28

And then we talk about four different things that might make you sad. And then we'll talk about four different things that you can do when you're feeling sad to get to where you want to be. And we write that in a song. And I usually do it on GarageBand, because the kids can make up their own song really easily using GarageBand and it comes free on all Apple products so you can use it and mess around with it. But that's what I do to help kids process their emotions and then when they are sad, we can go back to that song and be like, okay, you said you wanted to do this, let's try this strategy. And that might be going for a walk or playing the piano or doing anything that makes them happy reading a book, being alone. Some people like to scream in the pillows, like it's just all different things. That just to the specific person, what they might want to do.

Speaker 1: 9:20

Yeah, and how does this apply? I know that you work, you set up a lot with kids with autism. How does this apply to especially a non-verbal or an autistic child with limited communications?

Speaker 2: 9:34

Yeah. So I think song and music can come into play way more when that happens because they're not able to express with words as much as they can with music. So I've had kids like play the piano or play the guitar or just play instruments. Like I'll give them an instrument and I'll say play how you're feeling right now. And just playing how they're feeling can help them get that out, so that they're expressing themselves but they're not using words to do it.

Speaker 1: 10:01

Oh, yeah, that makes sense and even if, I mean, you're not just talking about people who are musically inclined, right? No, no, no.

Speaker 2: 10:07

Everybody. Yeah, so there's actually a study done. This was interesting. So they took a group of non-musicians and put them in a stressful environment. The stressful environment was doing a puzzle that had. No, they couldn't put the puzzle together. None of the pieces fit together. And they did that for an hour. And then they took one group and they let them just relax how they wanted to, like read a newspaper, lay on the couch, just whatever they wanted to do. And then they took another group and they were not musicians and they just played a keyboard for an hour and that was shown to reduce stress on a DNA level. So six of the DNA markers for stress were reversed when the people just did their normal relaxation. And then 18 of the stress markers were reversed for the non-musicians who played music. Oh wow, so you can get the benefit of music, like, even if you're not a musician, it does not matter.

Speaker 1: 11:05

That's awesome, that is very cool, Because I can imagine that being a stressful environment if you don't know how to play. But that's so. That's interesting that it's the reverse, yeah, yeah. And what about, like, if we're in a situation we wanna use music to help our kids communicate with us, but we don't have any instruments around? You know what did we do? Maybe we're in the car, I mean obviously by the radio, but you have a little control over the radio.

Speaker 1: 11:29

It's not even like being at home where I can say Alexa, play this. You know what do you do when there's, when you have no options. As far as that goes, I just sing.

Speaker 2: 11:36

I would just recommend singing so you can make up songs together. You can also. There's like mad libs for music, a fun game to play with your kids. You can do this seriously or just having fun, where you just take out different words in the song and then they write the words that they want in the song and then you can just sing it that way. Or you can take a song that you just rewrite the whole song and do it that way too. But you can always just sing. You always have your voice, or you can hum or you can do whatever that way.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Gotcha. So what other things do you want parents out there to know about music therapy and how it can be used in our daily lives?

Speaker 2: 12:20

So I would just say using music, start small. If you're not using music right now, just start small. So in the morning, if you say affirmations, you can drum while you're singing the affirmations. So I don't have a drum right now, but just play on the drum while you're singing it. So, and then if you want to sing the affirmations, you can say I am a peacemaker, like, just sing it and you'll get the benefits. And then there's different things you can do. If you want to start playing on the piano, then just start small and just take one finger and, you know, play each of the keys with just one finger, and then you might start one finger on both hands and then any of the keys that you can reach with one hand and then any of the keys you can reach with two hands. And you can do this with your kids. If you just play the black keys, it creates a type of scale that sounds good. No matter what you play and no matter what notes you play together, it will sound good. And so just start small.

Speaker 2: 13:23

And there's another thing that you can do. It's called drum talk and you have a conversation using drums. Or if you don't have a drum, you can just do body percussion and just play on your lap or play up here. I was in a band in eighth grade that we just did body percussion, and so if you don't have any of the instruments, you can just use body percussion. But you have a conversation back and forth. So if this is a time when you might be feeling a little overwhelmed and not being able to express what you wanna express vocally, you can express it through drumming and then you just go back and forth, just like you're having a normal conversation.

Speaker 2: 14:00

I did this with two kids who were siblings and they did not like each other and they were so angry they couldn't even talk to each other. And so I sat them down and we did the drum talk and by the end of it they had calmed down, they had, like, beaten out their rage. By the end of it they were able to calm down enough that they actually had a conversation and were able to work things out. So just that's a different thing that you can do if you're having a hard time. Your teenager's really grumpy and you don't know what to do.

Speaker 1: 14:29

So yeah, yeah, that's what I was gonna ask. Next is how do we get our teenagers, who are grumpy and oftentimes reluctant, to do things that are a little outside of the box? How do we get them to do it and is it worth is the payoff there at the end, if it's a frustration to get them to do it?

Speaker 2: 14:45

I would say go at their pace and what they're interested in. So if your teenager is interested in guitar, then learn guitar and learn to play with them, but give them their space. If they want to just do it alone like respect that and if they don't want to engage in the music stuff, I wouldn't force it, but I would just invite them to do it with you. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 15:10

So any other tips or words of advice that we can use, like I said, for any age? Range to help build these communication skills, because I know before we hit record, you and I were discussing how all behavior is communication, right, so let's kind of talk about that a little bit more and how we can determine what our children are trying to say when they're not able to verbalize it.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Yeah. So all behavior is communication. Your child is not doing something just to do it. There's reinforcement somewhere. They're getting a payoff somehow. It's like how we go to our jobs and we might like our jobs, but what's the root of why we go? It's probably to get money, and so the kids, they all have reinforcement for what they do.

Speaker 2: 15:52

So if they are just being terrorizers and being naughty and just not doing things that they're supposed to do, I would look at that as a cry or an ask from them for your attention and for connection. They want to feel connected to you and that's why they're doing all these things to get the negative attention that you might be giving them. If they do something you're like, oh, don't do that, that's still negative attention, where, if they're doing something good or positive and you really like what they're doing, they over-like, overwhelm them with positive attention. And that's something that we can do with music If you have younger kids. I just stress that with babies.

Speaker 2: 16:33

There's research that shows that singing to your children has a lot of different benefits for them and they attune to your voice. So it does not matter if you can sing well, they don't care. I would just invite you to sing lullabies and sing other songs to your young children and then keep singing as they grow up. There are so many benefits to singing and playing instruments and drumming and it's not like the normal, like, oh, you're just going to be. A lot of people are like, oh, you're better at math. This took a tangent from your first question. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1: 17:08

You're good, you're good.

Speaker 2: 17:09

Keep going with this, I like it. So they, you know, like a lot of people are like oh, it gives you discipline, it gives you, you know your good math or whatever, because math is used in music. But also, you know, it improves empathy and improves your immune system and improves your social skills Just a bunch of different things that can happen when you use music, Even if you're not good at music or I think everyone is musical. They might not be like the best singer or the best piano player or whatever, but everyone is musical and even if you just want to dance, there are so many benefits to dancing. It improves, like it can improve grief. So you're not, you're not feeling grief as much, and just psychological things, physical things, all the different things can be improved by music.

Speaker 1: 17:59

That's, and it not just playing music, but even just listening to it, right, yeah, just get the benefit both ways.

Speaker 2: 18:05

There are definitely more benefits when you engage, but there are benefits when you just listen to music. But if you're engaging in it and singing, playing, dancing, whatever there are more benefits. And there's even more benefits if you do it in a group. Okay, good to know.

Speaker 1: 18:22

And I love that. You said even you know sing to your kids, even if you don't think you're a good singer, because I know I am not a good singer and so there's always that hesitation to sing in front of people, but so that's really interesting. I'm glad you said that the babies don't care. Now my 14 year old is quick to tell me that I'm not a good singer, but my four year old shirt certainly won't.

Speaker 2: 18:42

The teenagers probably don't care. I mean, the teenagers do care, babies definitely not like. If they get to talking age and they don't think you're a good singer, they might tell you, but they still enjoy it. You know, like I've had kids who will tell people and be like I don't like the way you sing, but let's keep doing it, you know. So they just want to connect with you and that, like singing, is a great way to connect, especially with young kids. And then when with teenagers.

Speaker 2: 19:12

I just have to tell you a funny story. My mom, my sisters are a lot younger than I am, so they were all teenagers when I was like 30. And I was over at my parents house and my mom and my sisters were arguing and then my mom just turned on music and just started dancing and we just turned into a huge dance party and everyone forgot what they were arguing about and we all started laughing and dancing and so that's something you can do, a teenager, you know. Just Just dance or just turn on music that they like or whatever. But yeah, so that was a positive thing that she did. That day. She was like I'm done with this, we're just gonna dance, yes no, I can attest to that too.

Speaker 1: 19:51

That has been my mantra for the past few years is, when things, when people start getting grouchy, I'm gonna turn on music that I like and it makes me happy, you know, when it changes my perspective on things and makes it easier for me to handle with sarcastic comments or anything like that you know from the kids. But but what you said, there was something key that I need to remember turn on music that they like to, because you know, obviously we want to listen to music we like, but, yeah, if we want that same benefit for them, it has to be something that they're enjoying to.

Speaker 2: 20:20

I think you also brought up a good point that if you're dysregulated you can't help your dysregulated child. So if you need to get regulated, music is a great way to do that, like we talked about in the beginning, and just get yourself regulated, take a few minutes and then you can go talk to your child or do an activity with them. But you have to be regulated before you can expect them to be regulated to absolutely Well, samantha.

Speaker 1: 20:45

This is really helpful, and you have obviously social media channels website program. Tell us a little bit more about that, if anybody's interested in learning more about using music therapy or even potentially working with you.

Speaker 2: 20:57

Yeah, so I have a podcast where I talk more about this stuff. It's every brain is different, and you can find us on instagram at every brain is different. And then you can find Boise music therapy company. We're on instagram at Boise music therapy and then our website is Boise music therapy company dot com. If you go to our website, you can download a free PDF that has three ways that you can create a greater connection with your child Perfect and that is what we're all about.

Speaker 1: 21:28

So I love it and even though, like, I don't feel like I am necessarily musically inclined, I did play the piano growing up as a kid, but I think I just did what I had to do to get by and I didn't really come natural to me, but still it, even though I don't know enough about me, is going to much about it and don't play any instruments and don't sing, I can appreciate it and how it does change our moods and ultimately, our behaviors. So I think this is an important thing to keep in mind as we go day to day, because it's not much easier than saying Alexa, turn on my favorite song, you know yeah, I do that every day.

Speaker 2: 22:00

Sometimes, when Alexa turns on my favorite music, I'm like where did you get this music from? So it's also a good way to find new music, apparently, when you don't have your favorite songs.

Speaker 1: 22:12

Oh, goodness well, thank you so much again. We really appreciate your time and your insight and, as always, will link to everything in the show notes. Hey, thank, you.