Speaker 1: 0:36

Welcome back to Speak Out. Stand Out. I'm Elizabeth Green and today's guest is Carly Saber. Carly is a Psyche K facilitator and a trained Montessori teacher. She is also a self-proclaimed geek about supporting human development in a deep and holistic way. She works with moms, families and kids of all ages to clear stress, anxiety and limiting beliefs on a subconscious level, with the goal of helping people feel empowered and confident. To pair it in a calm and regulated way. Carly, super excited to have you here to chat about things. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2: 1:11

Thank you for having me. I'm super excited.

Speaker 1: 1:15

Carly, first and foremost, really my main question is to start is what does Psyche K mean and how does it apply to parenting?

Speaker 2: 1:26

Awesome. Psyche K is psychology and then it's Psyche. So like psychology and then dash K. The K stands for the key to the psyche, because it is a healing modality that helps you connect to your subconscious, specifically your subconscious deletes. The originator, rob Williams, who created the name Psyche K, was like he saw it as this missing piece. We speak a lot, we're always talking with our conscious mind, but actually delving into that subconscious and understanding what's really going in there and subconsciously driving our emotions or our behaviors was the key to the psyche. It's the modality that can support you get into nitty gritty places in your brain to support deeper and better growth.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Okay, well, that makes sense, but I have always thought that not Psyche K but as your subconscious, is something that when I think about that and accessing myself, my subconscious, I think about being hypnotized or something. But that's not what we're talking about right.

Speaker 2: 2:38

Yeah, you're not hypnotized at all. Hypnotism is another process. Like hypnotist therapy, they also connect to your subconscious. There's lots of different type of modalities that connect to your subconscious and this is just one of many which I found and I love, and it's so quick and simple and you can do it with children. You can do it with parents for children. So, yeah, you're not hypnotized. It's not completely different to hypnotism, but they both connect. They're speaking and connecting to the subconscious.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Okay, got it. That makes sense. So this might be an obvious question, but why do we care? Why do we want to tap into our subconscious, particularly when it comes to parenting?

Speaker 2: 3:25

Awesome. So before the age of seven a child is, their brain isn't fully developed. They're two parts of the brain, they're forming and only at around the age of six and seven do they completely form. So in like a Steiner school or a Steiner, you know Steiner theories. They say a child shouldn't really read or write or pick up a pen before that time. The formation of that brain. In a Montessori setting they have different kind of ages and stages and when they get to age six they change from a very different set up, prepared environment to now suit the needs of this new brain development.

Speaker 2: 4:07

And you'll see it, if you have your own child and you're observant, you'll see that there's this, this developmental milestone. They might ask more deep questions. They want to know why they let go of the family a little bit more and they become more social. So you've probably observed it or seen it in your children and before that age children are subconsciously taking on anything and everything. And we even say that genetically you take on things before birth from your parents.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So say, for example, a few generations down you know your family, someone in your family went through war and now your child lives safely and happily in your home. But there's still these beliefs in the genetic genes about relationships or money that come into play and if your child hasn't taken it on, you might have taken it on and then they're going to observe it in you. So connecting to the subconscious allows a child and allows you to clear these beliefs that you might not even know you have consciously, that are switching on a pattern or a behavior or a fight flight, anxious response in you that you don't want, that your body doesn't need, that you don't need anymore because you're not in a war-torn experience and there's no need to have it. And it might be stopping you or your children from their potential or even maybe causing problems.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Okay, so and this might be too a simplified question but how do we do this? How do we access the subconscious so that we are, you know, we're not creating anxiety in ourselves and passing it on to our kids?

Speaker 2: 5:48

So that's what I do. As a site care facilitator. I work with parents or children as well. I have children that I work with from five years old all the way up to 16 year old teenagers, you know, and I am even working with grandparents. So I've got a array of clients.

Speaker 2: 6:06

And with this modality you muscle test, so muscle tests. You know, with kinesiology or other muscle tests or chiropractic practitioners, they use muscle testing to maybe connect to deficiencies in the body. But this is a simple way that you can connect to the subconscious and if you muscle test, a strong test, it means it's fine. But if there's a weak test, there's a fight flight response there. So your body's kind of going into panic towards a situation or belief.

Speaker 2: 6:36

And the cool thing is I can do the muscle testing on people's behalf. And then, if it's a week, through the process we connect to you know, if it's a week, we do something called a whole brain position and that's pretty much re allowing you to experience the position with why your body is all communicating and connecting and all parts of your brain are talking to say hold on, in this situation I am safe, my body can be safe, my brain can be safe, I can access and Reese, connect to this situation easily and you know, if you, you know, consciously go, I've got this issue. It makes me feel really anxious, I know.

Speaker 1: 7:19

I shouldn't be anxious about it.

Speaker 2: 7:21

And then you go the next day and you're like I've got this issue and I still feel anxious about it. It's very hard to train your brain. You know it's possible through exposure, bear exposure, therapy, to train your brain to go. I don't need to go into this fight flight response, but through site K. This is a very quick and easy way to go to let your body know it doesn't need to switch on the. You know that amygdala, the part of the brain that goes I'm, there's a fire in the room. I've got to escape.

Speaker 2: 7:55

And just to add, it seems very woo woo but there is so much science about it. There's science around epigenetics and changing environmental factors and you know the energy we can't see infrared. There's lots of things we can't see or hear, but we know we're there and this is kind of the same, the same thing, because I was actually doing with someone before he's like but how? But how does this work? And I was like you know you can find the science behind it. So, while it comes around as more of like in a whole alternative met modality in my head from what I've read and understood about you know energy or science, it makes sense to me on a human scientific level.

Speaker 1: 8:46

And you've said that it's very quick. Like what do you mean? It takes like five minutes. It's like three months as opposed to years of therapy, or what do you mean by when you say it's really quick?

Speaker 2: 8:59

So each specific balance. You do say like you say I love writing, it's with a child who hates writing and has issues with writing and you say I love writing and that belief tests weak. You can very quickly and effortlessly change that belief to I love writing. So that's how quick it is for that specific goal statement. But it doesn't mean that obviously it's gonna change all their issues, because our brains are firing different beliefs at different moments and we've associated so many things together. So it depends on how big an issue is.

Speaker 2: 9:40

I always recommend people come to me for like a five pack session. I have children that I'm always working on ongoing. Sometimes people come and they just are feeling really anxious and they just come for one session and that's kind of all they needed. So when I say one quick, the actual process of shifting that belief, of feeling is quick, but mostly a situation where there's deep anxiety or stress or lack of confidence or self-esteem. That would have been associated with so many different situations and so many different people and behaviors and experiences. And then you have to kind of go in there and see how you can really shift any and all of them to help people clear that experience or shift and change that experience and how I found Sike K was from my really good family friend.

Speaker 2: 10:35

I call her my soul mother. She was a psychologist for 20 years and she as a psychologist you have to do a lot of work with different kind of professional development. She found Sike K and she was seeing changes in her clients that she has been working on with them for about 10 years and they were different people shifting within five to three to five sessions. So she's now completely changed her practice to Sike K based and mainstream psychology is obviously important If there's an important role that people need and to talk to people. But for me I'm like, okay, you can talk about it all you want, but if you wanna change and get to those deep limiting changes, beliefs and confidence and switch off that anxiety mechanism, do the subconscious work. So that's why I'm like passionate about it. I preach it, and especially for children, because they do not need to be stuck in these limiting beliefs or feel anxious or take on these labels and have them for life.

Speaker 2: 11:43

They can let them go on this deep rooted level so that they don't have to carry them into adulthood.

Speaker 1: 11:51

I mean that sounds fantastic. Right, it definitely sounds. That's what we want. We want our children to not be hindered by anxiety and things. But can you give me a couple more examples? You gave the example of like I don't like writing. What other types of things do you work on and you see in kids, you know like, especially like the tweens and teen ages, what are some things that we can be watching for in our kids that think you know what, maybe this might be a solution for them.

Speaker 2: 12:19

So that's how I started. I started, I did the site care course. It was the most incredible cost and I was working in school at schools at the time, in a Montessori school, and a lot of children that came had, you know, a lot of limiting beliefs and anxiety around education and that's why their parents have brought them into Montessori schools. So lots of different ones around learning and like confidence. And you know, when I'm like, ok, let's do a lesson about maths, they would come and I totally see them switch off, just disconnect, so they weren't even there to, you know, get the lesson because they had already switched their brain into that. I don't know how to do this.

Speaker 2: 13:01

Fight, fight, response. I'm unsafe in this situation because of the navigative experiences they've had in the past. And then they just continue their life of like shut down when it comes to maths, oh my God. This is too confusing and anyone who goes into that response of oh my God, I don't know what I'm doing, you cannot learn anything in that experience. If two people in that experience trying to navigate a resolution, they're just going to have this huge fight and you know you have to go and calm down and get clearheaded before you communicate properly and that's the same with learning. So I would see this and I even see an adult. You know that, like I'm sure people would feel that when they they're like what's seven times seven and there's like this, like like shock, horror I don't know my times tables, I'm bad at maths that trickles off, that like freak out, and that you know that comes back when they have to do their tasks or they have to work out their finance.

Speaker 2: 14:03

You know, or I work with a lot of parents or adults who have money issues or money fears that stem from this, like childhood blockage, of being scared of maths. So I see a lot of these limiting beliefs in learning. And then it comes into adulthood and it's like you just need to feel calm and read a book and slowly, slowly, work that thing out. Anyone can learn everything you know. That is kind of what you might know consciously, but if you've got this switch on anxiety, I can't do this towards it. You're never going to be able to jump over that hurdle. So I see a lot of learning beliefs In children I see passed down a lot from parents is a bit of that like people pleaser, so children.

Speaker 2: 14:53

They love to please us. All they want to do is support us. They will. They will not do what they want to do to help us. Not everyone. We definitely have, you know, those strong-willed children, but they're children who kind of sucked in their own, their own needs for others around them and they learn this with their parents, with teachers, with other friends and because they're not listening to in their inner voice, they start getting this deep anxiety.

Speaker 2: 15:21

And I work with, you know, adults trying to un, rewire and untangle this experience where they have just they're sitting in so much anxiety but they're not safe to speak their truth or say their truth because they don't want to hurt someone else. So that's what I work on and that is incredible. I've like worked on a child before and one of it was like I'm safe to speak my truth, I'm exposed to express myself. And then the next session they were like talking to me and sharing all this thing and telling me everything and I was like what, what different child? And then I went back and I went, oh, this is what we worked on Last week. So I've surprised myself as well, of like once you can kind of go it's safe to speak my truth and untangle that.

Speaker 2: 16:14

Girls I work with a lot of teenage girls. There is a lot of relationship, navigating relationships and body image issues and we know with I know with teenagers it's all about that imaginary mirror. They're so insecure. The way that they should be treated is like a little child who is just learning about the world and he's super, super sensitive, but then not. It's kind of like they've got the most pressure, the most pressure to succeed, the most pressure to be this person, so they've got that pressure circulates, anxiety around pressure, a body imaging look at me, those insecurities. So those are a few, a few of many.

Speaker 1: 17:08

Those. Well, those are perfect examples. When you were talking about math, I mean, I almost was in tears a couple of weeks ago helping my fifth grade son with his math homework, because math was always a struggle for me and I see the same in him, and he instantly says I'm not good at this, and so now I feel like I fed into that unintentionally. He's definitely picked that up for me. And the people pleasing thing I think that that's something that many of us deal with in our generation, especially women. I feel like it really falls on us even heavier and something that I say, like I'm a recovering people pleaser, even though I'm not, I am trying to be a recovering people pleaser, but that's. You really have got my attention with those things alone.

Speaker 1: 17:53

And then, of course, being, you know, a teenage girl, there's so many pressures and so many things that go along with that. So obviously you have a. You know you're trained in this and this is a process and not something that, like you know, it takes time, I'm sure, even though you say it is quick, but still, like you know, you're working at it with them. Can you give us any tips or ideas of things not being trained in this and this being the first time I've ever even heard of site cake like strategies that I can implement at home without being trained, without knowing more about it. Like, are there any tidbits that we could pull out that us you know, as parents, that we can start doing?

Speaker 2: 18:36

Awesome. Yes, so I also. I also, about every once a month or two weeks, I send out on my socials and Instagram and I do a free talk and it's all connected to something to do with human developmental if it's responsibility and limits, putting up boundaries, supporting independent children. I put those out on my Instagram and then, if people sign up, you can get the recording, because I know that we're on the other side of the world and pretty much I preach the Montessori philosophy and that is pretty much you know, observing and guiding the development of an individual child.

Speaker 2: 19:17

So, throughout you know this process of okay, your son has issues with math, but you have to be like look, you were just taught this when you're not ready and you're gonna understand this when you're ready. This is very difficult things, so let's go back to the basics. This is what you really know, this is what you really understand. Okay, this is a little bit harder. Let's slowly work through it, because you know, no child is smart, no child is dumb. You know we definitely have different gifts, but it's so unfair without mainstream school system that a child is. You know, every child is given the same thing. You know, in primary school, some children understand it. So they're like cool, I'm smart, and though. And then some children don't understand it and they're like I'm, you know, so terrible at math. So no one actually wins because the child that's smart. I see a lot of very smart people who don't have success, don't know what they're doing with their life, have imposter syndrome because they were told that they were smart and they are now freaking out because they're meant to kill it in life. And then I'm working with Children Hill. You know parents or people that you know thought that they were not smart at school and they've got this insecurity around that. So the way that we can work around it is reminding children that there is no smart, there is no dumb, there is no shy, there is no, you know, extroverted. I mean, there's extroverted, introverted, but one is not right and one is not wrong. We are just people.

Speaker 2: 20:52

Because as soon as these labels come out, there is this like oh, I can't, I'm not good, I should be this way, I should be that way, where we shouldn't be anyway. We are perfect the way that we are, and society creates such a culture, and schools, the cultures of schools of like you should be this perfect person doing this perfect thing, instead of preaching like everyone is so perfect and important and special, and you should be pushed and propelled in what you love, because that is really gonna give you the tools to enhance the world and contribute to society. So, remembering to create that culture in your home and just really, you know, if anyone says, oh, my child's shy, say oh no, they're not shy, they just love warming there. They take their time to trust and warm up to people. Oh, your child's so quick or challenging? Yes, they are. They love using their brain. Okay, let's find more ways to get sadokos or find some cool things to challenge their brain more. So there is never like you've reached your limit, you're just in your own space and pace. So that's with learning. I like that, oh yeah. And then a little bit of side oh no, you're sorry, go, go, go, keep going, keep going.

Speaker 2: 22:11

And then also, with anxiety, everyone is going to feel anxious, obsessed, angry. We have a part of our brain that switches on when there is something that we feel threatened or dangerous, like there's danger by Okay and no, there's no fires and no, there's no tigers or bears. But this part of us in our body is normally telling us something. But we can shift and change it so you can go through learning to observe it within yourself and observing it in your children. So, okay, I can see you've got really angry. I can see you've got really anxious. This part of your body is telling you that you need to maybe calm down and self-regulate. So, guiding your children to observe their emotions and have this metacognition towards their mind, you know, start teaching them to have this mindfulness if it's through catching them in their anger or catching them in anxiety, and go okay, you're feeling this way, let's regulate ourselves.

Speaker 2: 23:17

And I've got some things on my Instagram with what's called whole brain, whole brain positions and those kind of tell your brain, come back together, you don't need to think of fight, fight, come into your whole body and come into your conscious mind to start connecting your prefrontal cortex, you're safe.

Speaker 2: 23:38

So those are things to do with learning and anxiety and just modeling conflict resolution. You know, when issues happen of like oh okay, how are you feeling? This is how I felt. Let's all speak about what's going on so people can start catching their anger, because that is something that you know my generation was not modeled, so I do it a lot of with parents and children and they're like this is really incredible. And to have those conflict resolutions of like how are you feeling, how am I feeling, let's try solve a problem together. If it's to do with stress and with maths, if it's to do with a fight between siblings, if it's to do with a situation at school, to start that you know emotional intelligence and that dialogue of understanding feelings and understanding how to best regulate ourselves, because we know we know what's going to work best for us.

Speaker 1: 24:33

Yeah, yeah, well, and I think, I mean, I think this is really interesting and so valid and so important for us to understand because, like you just said, with our generation, you know we were raised to, just you know it's okay, stop crying, you're okay.

Speaker 1: 24:50

Yeah, yeah, you're good. You're good Like, and we didn't. We didn't talk about a lot of these things, and so I'm glad that, like, this is a conversation that is, you know, definitely becoming more prevalent in our society and something that we're addressing with our kids, because what's going on now is we're just shaped who they are as as adults. So I, carly, I think this was really really enlightening and, like I said, a brand new topic to me. It's a very interesting and a great approach. I'm interested, for sure, to learn more about what you offer on your social medias. I'm sure other people listening are going to be interested in that as well. So we'll make sure we link to all of your social media accounts. And you said you do coaching as well. I know you're in Australia, but still, you can work with people anywhere, right? Yes, exactly, thanks to virtual right, yeah, all right.

Speaker 1: 25:39

Well, again, carly, really appreciate your time and all your insight and we'll make sure we link to everything so you can go follow Carly on social media, learn more about site K and how you can, you know, implement this in your own house and potentially, you know, reach out for some coaching. So, again, we really appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 25:55

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, I've been talking a lot, so you've taken it all in and it's been helpful.

Speaker 1: 26:02

No, that's great. That's why you're here, right. You're here to share with us, so really glad to have you here. Thank you, bye.