Speaker 1: 0:50

Welcome back to Speak Out. Stand Out. I'm Elizabeth Green, and today's guest is Renee V. Renee is an experienced language and speech pathologist turned mindset mentor, and she's also the founder of Mighty Minds Academy, which we're going to talk a little bit about today. She also specializes in empowering teens and families in bridging the gap between school lessons and real-world skills by combining her communication expertise with resilience and growth mindset training, and she does this using innovative personalized teaching strategies aimed to cultivate critical thinking, creativity and character development all skills and qualities that we love here at Green Communications. So, renee, we're super excited to have you here today.

Speaker 2: 1:30

Thank you, I'm so happy to be here. Elizabeth, it's so great to be on with you. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:34

So today I know we're really going to be talking about, our focus is on self-love and building self-love in our children, but I did want to start just because I think your approach is very interesting and bridging the gap, you said, between what we learn at school versus what we don't. So tell me, how did you kind of realize there is this fundamental gap you know, in so much that our kids can learn at school and so much that we need to be responsible for at home? So how did that come about.

Speaker 2: 1:59

I mean, I think I always kind of knew that what I was learning in school, it just wasn't resonating with me, it wasn't making sense to me as to how it was going to help me in life. So, you know, I and I'm and I love education, there is nothing wrong with you know our schools, However, you know, and I did my job, I went to school, I did well in school, I got a full scholarship to come in, I did the stuff right, but what really hit me like a Mack truck was when I started investing in, in learning about myself and my mind, and through that process and that journey, I discovered all of these concepts that I had never heard of before. Process and that journey, I discovered all of these concepts that I had never heard of before. And, you know, after being I was 41 at the time I had been through, you know, grad school, college, all the things I've learned about the brain, but I never learned about my mind and how it works, and it was so interesting to me that it propelled me into this, this. I guess I think I found my purpose, where I felt like I needed to take the information I was learning and make it, you know, accessible to the youth in a way that I wish I would have had when I was growing up.

Speaker 2: 3:12

Just learning about yourself is the most important thing we can do, is you know, because it affects our whole world. Everything the results that we produce are really based on what our mindset is like, and it's not talked about as often and as much as it should, because it really is the basis for our relationships, our, our career path, our feeling fulfilled within our lives. It all depends on how we're thinking. So, in my opinion, and you know, I think a lot of people are now starting to realize, especially post pandemic, that we, we should be pouring more into ourselves, because you never know what's going to happen. So, you know, if you are, if you are willing to apply principles that aren't necessarily familiar to you, that could help you, then it's, you know. That's what I'm here to do. I want to help people make these realizations, have the light bulbs go off where they're like. I've never heard of that before, but it makes so much sense because it's all about learning you. So we don't learn about us in school, we learn about everybody else.

Speaker 1: 4:29

That's very true. That is very true. Well, I think, like you said, it's definitely not something that's talked about enough, and the mindset and self-love are obviously very closely intertwined, and so that's what we're here to talk about and focus on today. I think, as a parent, there's nothing more that we want for our children than for them to be happy and healthy humans, right? And so much of our happiness, like you just said, depends on us and the way we view ourselves. So let's like, I mean, just really from from the start, how, how do we build self-love in our children? I mean, we can tell them we love them to the moon and back a million times a day, right, that doesn't mean that they're going to feel that way about themselves. So how do we do this?

Speaker 2: 5:12

Yes, and I think that goes back to the fact that by trying to find happiness anywhere outside of yourself, you're never going to find it, that by trying to find happiness anywhere outside of yourself, you're never going to find it. It'll be temporary. So someone giving you accolades for something, yeah, it feels good for a hot second, but if you don't love yourself deep inside, you don't believe what they're saying or that you do for a minute and then you go back to your old way of thinking, which is typically very negative, and it's scary to think that we allow ourselves to be our own worst enemies. Oftentimes we're down on ourselves, we're not good enough, we compare ourselves to others and it's what our culture has kind of taught us about you know, about life, about no one really ever glamorizes self-love. It's always who's working the hardest, who got this degree, who got this job. It is never about who a person is, and that is really what success is is being comfortable within your body, comfortable within your heart, and how you love people. It all starts with how you love yourself. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. It's believe it or not, it's just not possible. So when you think about within, how we feel about ourselves. It reflects on everything else around us.

Speaker 2: 6:37

And what's really important, I think, is to know that taking care of yourself first is not selfish, yeah, necessary. So, as moms, you know, we're always kind of being put down and things if, if we're not, our kids are not first. Right, right, right. So and I was raised that way as well, you know to think that, um, just because I, I think the times have now shifted and people are are understanding how important it is to take care of their bodies, how important it is to take care of their mental wellness, how important it is to to show our children not just tell them healthy lifestyles and and how.

Speaker 2: 7:20

You know how? This is our vessel, right, our bodies are a vessel and if we're not taking care of it, we're going to get sick, and then, if you get sick, you can't take care of your family. So it's a whole chain reaction that happens that is not talked about very often, right, you, you? I'm here to break that mold because it's helped me a lot to make those realizations that working out is not selfish. Putting my kids with a babysitter so I could have a date night with my husband is not selfish. It is pouring into yourself, and in order for me to be the best mom I can be, I need to fill my cup first. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:55

And you're right. I'm glad that I feel like this is a conversation that we are hearing more now and it seems more accepted for self-care days. You know, we hear those things Now. Do we still do them and feel guilt during them? Probably, I know, you know I do, and I think that's part of like what we need to shake. But I wanted to go back to something you just said that you really touched on something with me when you said we are.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Our happiness is not like the accolades that we get, how hard we work, things like that, and I feel like this has just kind of been a realization I've had recently and when we're in high school or we're in college and we're earning scholarships, we're getting A's, we're passing things, we're doing things consistently that we're getting congratulations for and we're feeling wow, wow, I'm valued, like I'm doing a great job. Once we get to a certain point in life where that isn't nearly as common, with the exception of a potential promotion here or there I feel like that that affects us, doesn't it? Because we've tied so much of our self-worth to the things that we achieved when we were younger and now nobody says great job on emptying the dishwasher, mom. So are we kind of doing a disservice to our kids? Obviously we want to congratulate them when they do good things, but how do we break it so that they tie it to just that?

Speaker 2: 9:15

So I think it's important to absolutely acknowledge when our children do really great things, but I also think it's important that we acknowledge when they make a mistake and how they recover from it.

Speaker 2: 9:29

So, building up from the inside like, yes, we are humans, we are going to make mistakes. There's going to be times in your life where you don't make a good decision. It's just life, right. Your life where you don't make a good decision, it's just life, right. So, but how they? The resilience that comes out of that is what we should be praising, because that that's a skill that it will take you throughout your whole life. It's that important.

Speaker 2: 9:54

When we win an award or something like that, yes, of course we celebrate it, it's great, but, like you said, stuff like that doesn't happen continuously throughout our lives. We don't get awards, you know, and I even think it's funny when I work with students now and we play a game in speech and they said, well, what do we do, what, who? What's the winner get? I said the winner gets to feel amazing that they won. You know, because I feel like we're in a society where our kids are always expecting, you know, treats for doing this or treats for doing that. No, you're just being a good human. You don't deserve a treat for that. You, that's who you are and that's what's going to make you successful in life. That's your reward for that. That's your reward for that. So I think, you know, showing the pride in our children when they do really great things is great, but it's also in those moments when a mom tells you that their child said you know, is what's really important for us to remember to do, yeah, as well as the visible awards they might get, or prizes, or you know, whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 11:11

But you know, I don't know about you, but for me, a prize that me thinking I'm winning as a mom is when I hear what other people say about my children yeah, you know. So that to me and I don't oftentimes acknowledge it with them, you know, cause I, I, I, sometimes I do. I think it depends on who says it, but, um, I'll bring it up when, in a moment that they're struggling, um, and I'll pull that out of my back pocket and say, well, let me tell you what so-and-so said about you. And because I think in those moments they need to hear that stuff, because they're feeling poorly about something, whatever it is grades or friendships or relationships of some sort. But to be able to pull out that card during that time it changes everything. It changes their whole demeanor because they're hearing something you know they might not be down about whatever, but they're hearing something that someone else said, or even I, you know my husband and I say to them that makes them feel really good.

Speaker 1: 12:12

Yeah for sure. Who doesn't want to hear great things about yourself? You know, everybody does.

Speaker 2: 12:16

Honestly, a lot of people don't, a lot of people don't take, are unable to accept compliments.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Tell me a little bit more about that. Is that something that you see? I mean, I know that I can absolutely see what you're saying right now Like if my husband said, oh, that dress looks really good on you, I would be like, oh, I don't know. You know what I mean, but but do kids? Do kids react like this?

Speaker 2: 12:36

too, Are they? Yes, because they're learning from parents that are doing it. So remember they have a front row seat at our parent movie.

Speaker 2: 12:47

They're eating popcorn, watching everything we do. So if that's how mom's reacting when someone gives a compliment, how do you think your kids are going to react when they get a compliment? Because they're learning from you and it's not no one's fault, but it's just an awareness that we need to have as parents to allow and receive compliments. Because, I like to put it this way, if think about when you give someone a compliment, it makes you feel good, right, yeah? If someone, if you were to give someone a compliment, they're like no, no, no, no, it's taking the joy away from you from giving the compliment. It's a two way thing, it's not just one way.

Speaker 2: 13:27

So the fact that your husband wants to compliment you on a dress, you're robbing him of the joy of saying that to you by saying no, no, no, right, right, yeah, that's very true. And you think about when you give compliments. You want someone to say, oh my gosh, thank you, that's so nice. Or you know there's a, there's an interaction, there's an energy exchange there, so and you both feel better, you both feel good. So I think when you think of it that way about accepting compliments, it'll change how you respond when people say something to you. Yeah, yeah, like that, because you don't want to rob them of that feeling Right and you're right and especially saying you know your kids are.

Speaker 1: 14:09

Your kids are watching you know, and that is such a powerful reminder, you know, because the whole like do as I say, not as I do, doesn't work Right, they don't listen to what you say, they don't.

Speaker 2: 14:27

They don't. They follow our actions on our advice. Yeah, it's very rare that they follow our advice without, because if I'm giving my son advice about X, Y or Z but I'm not practicing it myself, why would he listen to me? I'm not doing it, so it's, it's and it's sticky, you know, like there's. There's definitely exceptions to this, but I think, overall, when you make those realizations, you know and I'm by far not a perfect parent, but I've become better. I've become a better parent.

Speaker 2: 14:50

I've made the decision to put in the work in myself to dispel anger to, to respond and not react, to not flip out over silly things. And it has, it has really escalated just the vibration in my whole family because I, you know, as a mom, you're the nucleus pretty much like running the show typically, and it gets heavy. It gets really heavy to carry every, all that weight and all that responsibility and who, who needs a lunch, lunch money and who, which thing we have to sign them up for and who has to get who where, and it can wear you out as a mom and it can cause you to be agitated. And I was that mom and I made a decision one day that I wasn't going to be like that anymore and I put in the work and I the piece that's in my home heart from doing. That is worth every second of time I put into myself. But it also is reflective in my relationships with my kids.

Speaker 1: 15:54

So you say that, you said something that I hear a lot People say I put in the work. You have to do the work on yourself. What is that? What does that?

Speaker 2: 16:01

look like. What does that mean? Great question. So I think when we know we can do better, we all know we all know there's a gap between what we know and what we're doing. So when you think about you know, people you admire who are raising great kids, or mentors that you might have, they make you realize a lot of stuff about yourself that might need. I mean, we all need improvement. We should all be getting better every day. The learning process should never stop. We should always. Until the day we're not here anymore, we should be constantly working on ourselves.

Speaker 2: 16:39

And I think that's another kind of gap between the school and real life is that I think what happens is with school and I was one of them myself like when you graduate, you're done learning, you know we could just go get a job, and you know. Then they tell you, how did you continue with continuing education? Like I don't want to do that. I just I already learned everything. You know I don't want to learn. I don't want to do that.

Speaker 2: 17:01

But when you find how to work on yourself, whether it be taking on a new exercise program or maybe meditating, if you're feeling overwhelmed, instead of yelling at everybody, you kind of just take yourself away out of the situation like ground yourself, so you can react the way your kids deserve to be reacted to and not how you're feeling inside, very angry. I think doing the work means learning who you are, because most of us don't know. We don't know who we are, we don't know what we want. We label ourselves as our job, don't know what we want we. We label ourselves as our job. We label ourselves as you know a body of you know we don't realize that we're souls and spirits that were put here for a very specific reason and if you don't know what your reason is for being here, it's going to cause a lot of heartache and confusion. So once you find what lights your fire, you should go with it like it's on fire.

Speaker 1: 18:06

I love that. I love that and I get exactly what you're saying. We label ourselves as our jobs and I think for a lot of us too, if we've ever taken a step back from our jobs to focus on being a mom that can even, it's such a blessing and an awesome thing for like to be able to do. But I, you know, I have always worked as I've been a mom, but I still have always felt like I needed that justification. I, you know, I don't know and that's and that's so, so, silly, so silly, because I'm not my job, you know?

Speaker 2: 18:34

No, it's so. Not, though, because how do I word this? So you, having that for yourself, it's something that brings you joy, you are then being a better mom. Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, so if you're not loving what you're doing every day, you're not going to be a good mom, because you're going to be angry and confused and frustrated. So, doing what brings you joy which is, I'm assuming it's this, and and your school I saw oh, you're, um, I was checking you out online that brings you joy, which then will transfer to your children. It's not about the time we spent with them, it's about the quality of time we spent with them. So if you're, you know, just because you're present doesn't mean you're being a good mom, right, yeah, that's true. And then, watching you be a successful parent slash entrepreneur, you know, whatever the occupation is for whoever is out there, they're watching you follow your dream, which then will encourage them to follow theirs.

Speaker 2: 19:44

If your dream is to be a stay-at-home mom, have at it. That's wonderful, right? Yeah, for sure, it's not your dream and you're doing it out of force. Or maybe you haven't found exactly what you want to do, so you just stay home, or like I see some people just keep having kids because they just, you know, that's their purpose and it almost kind of I'm not judging, but it kind of pushes off like my career because I have all these babies and I can't do anything else right now because I have all these babies right. So I think when that happens, it's then you become a little bit unsatisfied with your life, once your kids don't need you anymore as much. Yeah, because then you have nothing for you, because you've been hyper-focused on being a mom which again could be someone's dream and I support it. But if it's not, then you're going to feel a sense of emptiness when your kids are out of the house.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Right. It kind of goes back to the saying of you know, a lot of people say, keep your marriage above your kids, because the marriage will be there, hopefully. You know our job with our kids is to raise them so they can be launched out into the world and not need us every day, as heartbreaking as that is to think about you know when that time comes.

Speaker 2: 21:12

but that's what our job is. Right, that's what the job is Like. We signed up to raise other humans to do good things in the world. That's what we signed up for. We didn't sign up to carry them through life and pay for their bills until they're 50. You know that. That's not what it's supposed to be. It's like the gift we give them is the gift of independence. It's hard for some moms to let go of that.

Speaker 2: 21:33

For me, I've always raised my kids. I mean, when they were babies, I was like feed yourself, like I was like here, here's a spoon. You know, like cause I? I was busy, it was by default, I was doing it. But what I realized is that my kids were learning things, you know, and not needing me as much, and that kind of took weights off of me. Right, you know. So people might not agree with that, but I, I, it works for me. And you know, now I, I pride myself that my son is doing his own laundry and things like that that I will do for him, but he chooses to do it by himself because he wants his laundry done now.

Speaker 1: 22:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:10

So he just goes ahead and does it, and that to me is like I'm winning you know, absolutely. Absolutely Go to college or wherever, whatever he does when he leaves his house, and he is going to understand how to do that, yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:23

I think that and that's so funny that you said that too, because, um, you know, you know, whenever this airs Mother's Day was just the other day when we recorded this episode and you hear about like all the sacrifices moms make and all of that and I listened to several different things about it and thought, but you know what, like I don't, maybe I don't do all the things for my kids that other people do, because my kids I've always worked from home since I've had them, so they have to have been very self-reliant, right? My youngest, at like two, was bringing me cheese sticks out of the fridge while I was in a meeting. I'd open them and he'd go on his way.

Speaker 2: 22:57

You know, I love that.

Speaker 1: 22:58

It was, but it's something that I feel like. Sometimes I'll feel guilty, like, oh, he made his own breakfast, I should have done that for him. And then I have to tell myself, no, I'm raising him to be independent, but it goes. It all goes back to the whole self-love aspect that I'm being so critical on myself for not pouring his bowl of cereal, you know. And so how can I expect my kids to have self-love if they're seeing me or hearing me be so negative to myself?

Speaker 2: 23:23

Yeah, and just the worthiness, right, so. So self-love is is really a combination of self-compassion and self-worth and self-care. So if we're not filling those buckets up, it's going to, it's going to come out somewhere. That that's that, that we're feeling a certain way about ourselves, and sometimes our kids are smarter than than we think and they pick up on us really quickly when we're not feeling ourselves.

Speaker 2: 23:52

And and I've been really honest with my kids about, yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm annoyed at this right now, you know, and and they have, they don't see it very often anymore because I've learned to kind of hide it from them because I don't want them to feel like it's them that's annoying me, so it's and where I used to take out my frustrations on them, not in a bad way, but like it was apparent that I was not feeling great about myself in moments where I'm yelling at my three-year-old, you know, and, and all of that has to do with just feeling overwhelmed and not loving myself and being very hard on myself and comparing myself to the mommies that were dressing their kids and, you know, head to toe, matching outfits and all the things that appear to be perfect and amazing, Right, and that's all it is.

Speaker 2: 24:42

If anyone's out there right now listening to this, it's an appearance, it's a, it's a. There is no such thing as perfect parenting, and just because your kids look perfect doesn't mean it's perfect, you know. And so I think exposing that is really helpful, especially for new moms to hear, because when you're a new mom, you're the most fragile I think you're ever, you ever are since you were born.

Speaker 2: 25:08

You know, you, it is the most profound moment in a woman's life and it's it is for the dad too, but like we carry them, so you know, they are a part of who we are and you know, I think I could probably speak for you too, when, even when you're away from your kids, you can still hear them, like I still wake up, I'll be away with my husband and I'll, and I'll wake up and I'll be like, was that Mila? You know, like cause it's like you have a sixth sense and it's them, it's every like. You know, we feel things for that, like that it's going on in their lives without them even knowing, and men just couldn't understand that you know, but I think you know, comparing ourselves to others is not showing ourselves self-love, right, right.

Speaker 1: 25:56

What do they say? Like social media is obviously that's somebody's highlight reel. It's not their life, but it's so easy to fall into that and feel less than when we all do.

Speaker 2: 26:05

And we all do. But once you realize, once you have the awareness that people aren't putting their bad days on there, they're putting their best days, they're putting their vacations, they're putting the birthday parties, they're putting all this, you know oh, look what my husband sent me flowers, blah, blah, blah. But it's if you are solid within yourself and this is something that's important for our teens If you know who you are and what you want and your goals. Those people they're just entertainment. It's not. Oh, I really want to be like her. It's entertainment and it also could be inspiring.

Speaker 2: 26:40

So if you want to be a country singer and you are following Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood or any of these awesome humans that are doing really great things, you know at young age and they're super successful, then what's important is that we take the qualities of them and embody them ourselves. So, taylor Swift man, that girl she could run the world, but she set such a good example. Yeah, she is a great role model for our kids and I think it's important for our kids to know the difference between you know, emulating someone like Taylor Swift, who's really doing great things in the world and is very talented, but she works very hard to this influencer that blah, blah, blah is doing blah playing this video game, or whatever it is that they're you know I was doing while playing this video game, or whatever it is that they're that they're you know. But and but. Taking those qualities and inviting them yourself is part of self-love, because if you really admire it in someone else, then you should be doing those things too.

Speaker 1: 27:39

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense, right, right? Well, so we've. We've talked a lot about self-love when it comes to us as moms and how that is so important. Right, like you said, we can't fill our kids' cups until we fill ours. But what do you focusing more on the kids themselves, especially teens and, my goodness, being a teenager is so hard anyways, today's teens, I just you know, I feel so bad for them and the pressure they feel because of social media and those things. Whether or not they have it, you know, they're still exposed to it. So what are some things and some strategies that we could do, like on a daily basis or a weekly basis, or something that we can implement into our routines with our kids to build that self-love in them, little by little?

Speaker 2: 28:30

by little. Yes, well, I think I go against the grain with social media where I say that we need to lean into social media and the electronics where everyone is like you should limit your kids' time, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, that works for some people and that's fine. There's no judgment, there's no right or wrong in the sense of how much time our kids, because if you think about what we're on right now and my phone's right here, and you know we are constantly engulfed in it, right, either or not we realize it, we are. Oh yeah, you know. Imagine if you left your phone somewhere.

Speaker 1: 28:59

No, you know, I'd go back for it.

Speaker 2: 29:02

I don't care how late I was. I wouldn't be able to do anything else until it was found Right. So, like we can't be hypocrites when it comes to this stuff, it's true, because our kids so unlike us, our kids are being raised with a phone in their hand. So I think, managing managing them and how they feel about themselves. Obviously, if they're seeing things they shouldn't be seeing, which is hard to avoid or feeling a certain way because they're comparing themselves to someone online or something like that, then this conversation shifts.

Speaker 2: 29:35

But if your children are healthy and showing happiness and doing their work and socializing with us, you get a feeling with your kids. You know when they're off. So I think it's about us reading them and making sure that we're doing those check-ins with them and leaving the door open for them always to feel not judged by whatever is going on, because we all have been through it and I always say that to my son like I've been here. I know what you're talking about. In fact, I don't tell him this, but I did all I was doing like crazy stuff at his age. You know that he's not doing and I'm fine, I'm happy about it, but it's. It was different times then, but I just allowing them to know that we are human too. We've been there, we've experienced things. You know some of the things I would never tell them that I experienced, you know, but like, there's things that it's important for them to know that we were once there.

Speaker 1: 30:44

And how do we do that? I think that because, you know, as the mom of teenagers, I feel like the constant, like rebuttal to that is you don't understand. It's different. Now you know. So how do we help make them understand that? No, we actually do get it, because emotions are the same across the board. This is a situation that caused the emotion might be different, but emotions are the same, you know.

Speaker 2: 31:02

So I think what's what's helped me is to tell stories.

Speaker 2: 31:06

So, like the way I parent my kids is probably the polar opposite of how I was raised, not in a bad way, just different.

Speaker 2: 31:15

I'm very flexible, which I think my kids appreciate, because I'm not a tyrant telling them they have to, they must blah, blah, blah, like I just don't work that way and when I I find when, when I treat them like that, they're more willing to do things that they don't necessarily want to do, like you know, empty the garbage or whatever the heck you know, things that you know I find that they're offering more because I'm not shoving it in their face that they need to do these things yeah, because I'm not shoving it in their face that they need to do these things, yeah. So they see me, you know, maintaining a house, which you know is full-time job, and they are more willing to help me than when I was young and I was told I had to do blah, blah, blah. What does that do to a kid? It makes them want to rebel and do the polar opposite. Just in my experience, I know no right, because we don't want to.

Speaker 2: 32:14

Nobody wants to be told what to do and if you, so I think, if we picture our kids as mini adults, that should be treated just the way we want. You know they want to be treated. I should say because, not not necessarily when they say treat others how you want to be treated, they might not want to be know they want to be treated. I should say because not necessarily when they say treat others how you want to be treated, they might not want to be treated how you want to be treated. They want to be treated how they want to be treated. So you know, once we learn, you know I think I pride myself in learning my children and what works with them and what doesn't.

Speaker 2: 33:07

No-transcript, you know, like bat heads with me. I don't want to do that, I don't want to wear that. And I said well, listen, I only make you do this like I don't know three times a year. So if you could just really help me out and just do it just this one time and you can just bring a change of clothes, like I'm very flexible, you know I do want you to look sort of nice. And then one time he did it and I said you know what, wear whatever you want. And he did and when we got there he felt silly because everyone else was dressed. So, like I'm a really big into that, like you know, in like learning experiences, like that, where I actually say do whatever you want, and I watched what happens, I watch it all unfold.

Speaker 2: 33:54

That's hilarious.

Speaker 1: 33:59

It's like, even like an evil mom, laugh Like I know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2: 34:03

Or like when you, like you were mentioning about, like you don't understand, blah, blah, blah, I say I know, I know I don't understand this exact thing, but I do understand this and I give them something. You know about a relationship or about whatever we're arguing about. I, I, I kind of even the playing field. It just makes it easier. Yeah, because I'm not here, I'm not in this to be a winner of an argument. I'm in it to have understanding and communication. So you know what I'm saying. So, like that mom thing that I was raised around and most people are like is like my way, or the highway type thing, I don't roll like that and it's worked phenomenally in my family.

Speaker 1: 34:52

Yeah, yeah, I have had to learn this too. I feel like, especially over the past year, since we've had this podcast, I have learned so much. I always say like, even if nobody ever listens to a single episode, it has helped me entirely change my perspective of parenting because of talking to different experts, like you but, like you just said, I'm not in it to win this argument. I had to do the work and realize that that was an issue with me for a long time. I wanted to have the last word, and that doesn't work when you have a child that also wants to have the last word, right? So I think that you know that's. That's just profound too, and it's it's things that we just it's just part of who we are and we have to understand that some parts of who we are don't jive with parenting in the way that you know. We're, like you know, inclined to react or something, like you know.

Speaker 2: 35:35

I don't know if that makes sense or want to be right and and you know, once you let that go, it changes the game. Yes, yes, because like there's a Hills I just don't want to die on and it, and I'm not going to. If I feel super strongly about something, it might be different, but most things they're negotiable. It's fine Most things, but I think it's important that we recognize that not every parent is like that and that's okay. It just might not make your life very easy in home with your kids. Yeah Well, I'm all about making things easy.

Speaker 1: 36:16

Absolutely Well. I think this has been really enlightening. And you work with parents and teens, am I right with that? You do you have like mentor programs, right? When you focus on finding out who you are? What makes you tick all of those things so that we can build our self programs? Right? When you focus on finding out who you are, what makes you tick all of those things so that we can build our self-love? Right? Tell us a little bit about that and how that works.

Speaker 2: 36:34

So I I developed programs and I'm also authoring a book and I speak on stages and I'm a content creator for a lot of different people with all this kind of stuff. So that's, I feel really passionate about it, because I know how important these concepts are and they're not common and they should be, because it's it literally is learning about. It's like it's like life school, it's like learning. It's like you university, right, ooh, that's good, you university, I'm going to use that one. That is good. You know like it's. It's all about learning the different facets of you Emotional intelligence, your self-image. It's so important.

Speaker 2: 37:17

And we're not learning this where we're spending eight hours of our day as kids in school and it's resulting in really serious mental health issues, because what's happening is our kids are learning all these things in school but then they leave school and they're not able to apply a lot of it to life, right? So there come, there comes a sense of confusion. That happens, and I think that's what's resulting in these high levels of depression and anxiety, because we don't learn what we want, what we want to be, we don't know, we're in circles, in circles and circles until someone else tells us what to do and we do that. It might not necessarily be what we want to do, but we don't know what else to do.

Speaker 1: 38:06

Right.

Speaker 2: 38:07

It's all about learning about yourself, learning you know, about your subconscious mind and how it works, how your thoughts, how we have full control over our thought processes and we don't realize that until someone tells us that we can actually choose what stays in there and what we let out. Choose what stays in there and what we let out no-transcript, the majority of them are negative and we don't even realize that we are literally torturing ourselves all day long. The negative thoughts is what we repeat, and perspective taking and learning how our habits have caused us to be where we are now good or bad, learning about just even understanding, like learning that that's a thing was a huge light bulb for me. Yeah, so you know, I feel really strongly about this and I bonded, you know, with a lot of people that are kind of on this mission to to to really have our kids learn different concepts than what they've been learning for the past hundred years. Yeah, and it's time, absolutely, technology is evolving. We need to evolve with it.

Speaker 1: 39:32

Yeah, yeah, and you kind of blew my mind there too, about saying that we can control our thought processes processes, because that's not something that I've ever explored or even considered. I just thought well, they're just there, we just are, we just are.

Speaker 2: 39:48

We go about our day, we do all the things not realizing what's repeating in our heads over and, over and over again. And what that does is it implants programs into your subconscious and then that's where you operate from. So, if you think about it, it makes. It makes total sense. Yeah, what doesn't make sense is why we're not learning this in school. That doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1: 40:12

Well, this has been, like I said, very enlightening and I think, um and very, you know, promising to hear, especially for any moms out there listening or dads that are really struggling and you know that your thought processes are wearing you down that there are opportunities out there, that obviously counseling, therapy, medication, like all of these things are great, but to know that there are other things that you can do as well and might be interested in looking to what you offer, and especially, like you said, with our kids, but it starts with us. So that's anything. This has been really helpful. Is there anything else that you want to throw out there, renee, before we wrap up, any other tips or feedback or any strategies for parents to walk away with today?

Speaker 2: 40:54

I think what's really important is that we do what we're saying we're going to do, because that is one thing that I have found in my older years that when people don't follow through with things, it's extremely frustrating. So, as a parent, when we tell our kids something, whether it's something, you're going to get this taken away if you do that, or we are going to go on that trip, follow through with it, because that breeds a lot of frustration and overwhelm when our kids hear something that we say we're going to do and then don't do it without an explanation. So I think follow through and walking the walk instead of just talking the talk is crucial for the wellbeing of our families. It's. It's really something that has been wearing on me for a couple like years now.

Speaker 2: 41:52

Just when I am in, now, I'm learning all these you know, meeting all these new people, and when, when you're in a your own business and you're trying to learn from others and they say one thing and do the other or don't do it at all, it's, it's. It just takes more time to reach the goals that we're trying to reach, or and it also puts a distrust in people because if you don't, if you say you're going to do X, y or Z and you don't, you know where's your credibility, where's your integrity? It's not there. So, and that's what we want for our kids. We want them, you know, and there's no shame in saying, saying you're going to do something and then not doing it. But you have to give a reason, you have to communicate.

Speaker 1: 42:35

A lot of people just say because I said so, or you know, because we, we, we heard that. You know, we heard that as kids. But, um, you know, to reasons, reasons matter. Why did I make this decision? So that they know how to make decisions. It is.

Speaker 2: 42:49

It's really. That's what it's all about is passing it on, passing good habits and behaviors onto them. But it has to start with us. It's not going to work, but we have to make that decision. To do it. Like, not everybody wants to and that's fine, but once you're aware of this stuff, it's really hard to shy away from it. Yeah, it's really hard because there you know, you, we, when we know better, we do better.

Speaker 1: 43:13

Well, renee, this has been a pleasure to have you here. It's been eyeopening for me personally and um, people can find you at Mighty Minds Academy and, of course, we will include all of the links to show socials, the website and your brand new ebook in the show notes. So if you're listening, wherever you're listening, just go to the show notes and you'll find all the little links right there for you to be able to connect with Renee, learn more about Mighty Minds Academy and what she's doing on a mission to empower our youth and ultimately make the world a better place, right, which is what we all want. Yeah, that's the goal. Well, thanks so much, renee. We appreciate your time. Thank you, thanks, elizabeth.