Speaker 1: 0:35

Welcome back to Speak Out. Stand Out. I'm Elizabeth Green and today's guest is Dr Emily Levy. She is the founder of EBL Coaching and focuses on supporting our kids with learning disabilities and helping them to be the best that they can be in all of the different avenues that they go. Dr Emily, we're so excited to have you here today. Thanks for taking your time.

Speaker 2: 0:55

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 0:57

Well, first of all, tell us a little bit what is EBL coaching?

Speaker 2: 1:07

Where did this come from and how did this become your passion, your goal? Sure Well, at EBL coaching, we specialize in providing one-on-one tutoring to students who have special education needs, including, of course, students with learning disabilities, and we use all research-based multi-sensory techniques when providing this one-on-one instruction, both locally at our learning centers in the New York City and New Jersey areas, and then we also work with kids virtually worldwide. At this point, we have students in so many different countries, which has been really exciting In terms of how I got started and how I ended up forming EPL Coaching.

Speaker 2: 1:38

I actually grew up in the field of special education down in Florida. My mother was the founder of a school for students with learning disabilities in Hollywood, florida, so I spent so much of my childhood working at her school, observing kids, seeing what an amazing difference it could make in the lives of students who have learning disabilities when they receive the right support. Of course, after college I thought I wanted to carve my own path and not follow in my mother's shadow. So I did finance of all things for a few years, only to quickly realize that it was not for me. My calling was special education. So I ended up going back. I received my master's degree in special education and my doctorate degree in education and then, very organically, I just started to grow EBL coaching. It's now been 20 years now, which is hard to believe, but it's been such an amazing growth experience, such a passion of mine, and we've been able to help so many hundreds of students at this point to really change their lives for the better.

Speaker 1: 2:37

And I will just say, as a parent of a child with a learning disability, this is so incredibly important for kids to have access to, especially in our regular school system. My husband's a public school teacher, so I'm very familiar with and come from a family of teachers. They do an amazing job, but they have so much laid on them and such large class groups that it is so hard to individualize attention anyways. But then you add on a layer of a learning disability and it can totally I mean, I've seen it personally make such a negative impact on a child who's trying their best to learn but just can't quite get there because of something they can't even control. So I think what you're doing is amazing. I wish there was more of it, for sure. So I am excited to talk with you today.

Speaker 1: 3:21

Again, this is a personal thing to me, but also I know many, many people out there have kids with learning disabilities, whether it's been labeled as such or they just suspect that there's something going on that's causing some additional struggles and challenges. But one of the things we want to talk about is how to effectively communicate with kids with learning disabilities, and we're talking about all types of communications. But I mean? For starters, how do we communicate with kids that have a diagnosed learning disability without making them feel like something's wrong with them?

Speaker 2: 3:56

Sure Well, I think communication, of course, comes in so many different arenas. It's speaking to them, it's teaching them how to effectively speak, how to express their thoughts on paper when writing. There's so many different elements of speaking. However, I think, when it comes to speaking to a child who has a learning disability, I'm a big believer of building their confidence and playing up their strengths. I think, as you mentioned earlier, it's so easy for them to have their self-esteem crushed with all of the negativity and all of the struggles and seeing their friends read chapter books and excel in school when they can't do any of that. So I think, first off, really trying to identify their strengths and playing up their strengths. For example, students who have dyslexia are often amazing artists. They have these visual talents. So help them to encourage that skill, to have them take art classes, frame their art on your wall so that they can see that you really see the value in that strength of theirs and that we all have strengths and weaknesses.

Speaker 2: 4:56

Some of us might be great swimmers and some of us are terrible swimmers. And some of us are great at school and some of us are great at art, and that's okay. We're all unique and different and have strengths and weaknesses.

Speaker 1: 5:06

And I think you kind of just answered my next question, but still I want to dive into it a little bit more. In my personal life, my oldest son has dyslexia and dysgraphia, and so writing, spelling, is an immense challenge for him and always has been and likely always will be. My younger son is a very strong speller and very strong writer. And how do I my son, inadvertently, has made some comments about how he can spell better than his big brother, not using those words but inadvertently said things. How do I communicate with my son without saying, listen, he has this learning disability. You know, depending on the age of the kids, they might not even understand that. But how do we communicate that that, yeah, there's going to be differences, and how to, you know, respond to that when they notice differences like that?

Speaker 2: 5:57

Sure, and kids do notice those things and they can be very hard on each other and I think it really goes back to playing up identifying each of their strengths. So one of them might be really strong in writing and one may be weak in writing, but maybe one has great social skills and is an amazing friend. Or maybe one is really artistic or a great cook or whatever it may be, whether it's related to school or not, and have that conversation yes, you might not be as strong in writing, but you're so great at cooking and at doing art and at math or whatever it may be. And then your other child's, maybe not so great at writing, but they're great at other skills. So I think, really just kind of focusing on more of the strengths and the weaknesses, and that we all have those, maybe even talking about your own.

Speaker 2: 6:44

I actually have twin daughters myself and they're very different, like that, and one is really strong at reading and one is not, but one has incredible social skills and is funny and happens to be good at other things. So I do that also and I talk to them about things that I struggle with and that we all are in the same boat. No one's perfect.

Speaker 1: 6:58

No one has only strengths, and then we're all in this together and that's okay, yeah absolutely so kind of backing up a little bit, let's say talking to the parents, who feels like, you know, I don't know why my kid is struggling so much with this, in our example, with dysgraphia. Once he was diagnosed with this, his teachers didn't even know what it was.

Speaker 1: 7:19

I feel like it's something that's not talked about very often. I had never heard of it until a friend of mine was like I just don't get why he's struggling. He's so smart. Have you looked into dysgraphia? It's like, oh okay, but so we're parents, right, unless we have experience in this realm. How do we, what do you say to a parent who feels like there's got to be?

Speaker 2: 7:41

Well, I think if they really want to get to the bottom of what may or may not be going on, then they should have an evaluation done and that can be done free, through a public school. That's the real way to know what's going on, maybe why it's going on. Is there a learning disability, is there dysgraphia? And then they can really focus on strategies for remediating, for building that skill. But I would suggest having an evaluation done to really identify what the root cause may be.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Yeah, and like you said, and hopefully there's nothing right, but we don't know. And we can't support our kids if we don't know. And that's something that weighs on me is that if we had known this years before, his whole outlook on school would be so different. So I always tell people, whenever they say to talk about spelling or things like that, that being a struggle, I say look into this, just look into this, because if you know, like you said, then we can place the resources there to give them the support that they need. Well, so, if okay, so let's say, somebody's child just diagnosed with some type of learning disability, how do you suggest that we talk to our child about this for the first time so that they understand this is what the issue is and here's what we're going to do to fix it or support you.

Speaker 2: 8:51

I think that's a great question. I think part of that depends first off on the age of the child and also on the parent's comfort level. So I think for young kids it's hard for them to really grasp some of these labels and what they mean, and it may be better just talking about some of the struggles that they may have in school and that we're going to help them, their teacher's going to help them, their school's going to help them, and it's okay. It's a journey and they'll get through it.

Speaker 2: 9:15

Older kids, I think, tend to have a better grasp of what it means to have a diagnosis and I think it's okay to explain what the diagnosis is, what it means, what the tools are that we're going to use for them to help build these skills. But then there's also many parents that I've spoken to that are not okay using the actual term with their kids, or maybe until they're older. So I think part of it is parents' choice. But I do think for younger kids in general, focusing more on what it means, without necessarily the actual terms, maybe a little bit better and then, as they get older and they're more developed, more aware, then maybe sharing the actual diagnosis and explaining it in more detail. Okay, got it.

Speaker 1: 9:55

So let's talk a little bit more now about supporting our kids right when we find out that there is something that they're struggling with. In your experience, you've worked with hundreds of kids and our mission here is to build communication skills and confidence in kids. Sometimes having to do additional tutoring or additional work can make a child feel less than, but once they're in there, are you seeing their confidence grow as a result of the resources that they're getting? What is your experience?

Speaker 2: 10:25

100%. We find so often that when kids struggle in school, they struggle with skills, and then they see those skills turn around and they see the growth. Their confidence starts to skyrocket. So absolutely.

Speaker 2: 10:39

Also, just to tap into the first point that you mentioned, where kids can sometimes see tutoring as a negative, I like to frame it the other way. Just like when you play soccer, you have a soccer coach. This is like having a learning coach or a reading coach, where it's not a bad thing, it's not a negative thing, it's something that's someone that's there to help you to build skills that maybe you're not as strong at as you are with other skills. And then the other key I find is really showing them their progress. So if a tutor, for instance, is working on writing and they've been working together for say, three months, the tutor should show the child the writing they were doing on day one and then show them the writing they're doing now and hopefully it's much stronger. And instead of you just saying, wow, you've improved or wow, I've seen growth, they can actually see the growth. So they can see in a concrete way how the tutoring is helping them and how they're becoming a stronger writer and in turn, that really typically will help improve their self-confidence.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Yeah, who doesn't want to be told that they're doing good at something, and especially if it was something that was challenging before, right, everybody wants to hear that that's great. So another kind of offshot question from this I think about, like my son in particular. Right, with dysgraphia, if, for those of you listening that aren't familiar with this, it causes a major disconnect between the brain and the hand on the paper and handwriting is an immense challenge and it also drastically affects spelling. Even like very basic spelling words can be a major challenge. It has been explained to me and correct me if I'm wrong that somebody with dysgraphia their brain can't see the word Like. If I said the word cat, I can visualize it. They struggle with that and so it's almost like a memorization thing for them. They have to memorize how to spell words like we memorize multiplication tables, and that was hard enough. Imagine how to memorize so many words.

Speaker 1: 12:25

But at the same time I think, well, had this been 50 years ago, this would be a major detriment to my child Today. You know we have computers and we have talk to type and all of those things. What do you say to the parent? That's like I just don't even think that we need to worry about this because technology is advancing so quick. I don't really see it being a struggle. Worry about this because technology is advancing so quick. I don't really see it being a struggle. Is that true, or is it something that we should still really work on? It's like the whole idea of learning cursive, right. Do we really need to do that? What are your thoughts on those?

Speaker 2: 12:56

I think that's a tricky question. I think that the reality is that we're using handwriting less and less and we're using computers and tablets and technology more and more. I don't think we should entirely do away with teaching handwriting, cursive and knowing how to transcribe to some degree, but I do think there comes a point. If the struggle is so enormous and it's creating so much frustration and the child's old enough to kind of use the computer more and really utilize the technology and the resources, I think to kind of use the computer more and really utilize the technology and the resources, I think it's okay to really focus more on that and less on the physical act of writing. But I do think they need some baseline foundational skills before they can pivot right over to only using the computer. Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Well, what other tips and strategies do you have with parents? Obviously, you all do specific things when you're tutoring the kids and working with them on building their confidence as well as their skills. Besides praising them and really recognizing their strengths, what else can we do at home to make sure that our kids are struggling with something, whatever it may be, that really doesn't take a toll on their self-worth?

Speaker 2: 14:04

Sure, I think there are so many different tools, so many different strategies out there that can be used to help build kids' skills and also build their self-confidence at the same time, for example, with writing.

Speaker 2: 14:16

For kids who really struggle with writing.

Speaker 2: 14:18

I think parents can really encourage their child to start by brainstorming their ideas, then transfer that brainstorm into writing and then go back and self-check their ideas, their writing. And they can even give them a little acronym like COPS, for self-checking, capitalization, organization, punctuation, spelling. So it's giving them a little tool instead of just sitting at a paper and saying I don't know how to start, I don't know how to begin. Well, why don't you start by brainstorming? And they can do it on their computer or they can handwrite it, they can create a brainstorm web or they can create an outline, or they can create two columns whatever works for them, but some kind of brainstorm diagram so that they're not stuck and can't get started on their writing, and that really helps the transition of then moving into writing a paragraph or an essay or whatever it is, and then they should go back and work on self-checking their work and just learning tools like that can make the process a little bit more systematic, a little bit more approachable and less intimidating for kids who really struggle with writing.

Speaker 1: 15:17

Yeah, I could see how that would work and I always, again, I keep talking about my family because, again, this has been my experience too. My son, if you asked him to talk to you about cicadas cicadas are all over the place here where I live right now he could. He could like give you a full presentation about cicadas, just like this, because he's so smart and he knows these things and can communicate them very well. If I asked him to write a paper about cicadas, I would maybe get three sentences, and I think part of that is because the struggle he's focused on the writing instead of getting his thoughts out. But starting with the brainstorming and putting those thoughts, I can see how that could really make a difference in helping him not get so hung up on writing the words.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Yes, absolutely. So what do you think and what do you all see in your clinics and in your schools? Is it typically writing? Is that the biggest struggle that you see? Kids that have struggles with learning disabilities, or what other ones are you all seeing, and should parents kind of be looking for potential signs of?

Speaker 2: 16:17

Sure, well, I would say we see it all with all skills. Reading, of course, is a big one, both in terms of decoding or sounding out words, reading fluency, reading comprehension really all aspects of reading can be a challenge for kids at different times in their lives. By the way, when they're young they might struggle more with decoding and then, if they learn how to decode well, they later might struggle with comprehension. So reading is definitely a big one. To decode well, they later might struggle with comprehension. So reading is definitely a big one.

Speaker 2: 16:44

Writing, spelling, math for many kids who have dyscalculia or just struggle with math Sometimes it's certain aspects of math they might struggle just with learning their math facts. They might struggle with solving various types of computation problems or solving word problems is a big one, especially those who have language challenges. And then we also work with many kids who have ADHD and struggle with executive functioning and study skills. Things like planning, organization, time management, task initiation. Sometimes the most brilliant of kids struggle in school because they're so disorganized and have such poor executive functioning skills. And then, of course, there's combinations where a child might struggle with writing and executive functioning, or reading and writing, or some combination thereof.

Speaker 1: 17:32

And this is support that they can get in public school settings, but on a very limited basis, would you say. Is that what you all do? Are you filling that gap for them?

Speaker 2: 17:43

Definitely so I would say. If a child has been evaluated and they have some kind of diagnosis and there is the available support and teachers were trained in the right methods to provide that support, they can get support at school. But oftentimes it's either not enough or the child might be struggling but doesn't necessarily have a diagnosis and therefore doesn't qualify for services at school. And then we have some kids that are receiving services at school and still need the additional support outside of school.

Speaker 1: 18:13

So any combination of any of those and so you know, I know that our focus is on, like, building these communication skills. I kind of I hate to ask you the same questions again, but I do want to kind of go back to are there phrases or words or things that we should either avoid saying to our kids or make sure we are using with our kids when it comes to discussing these disabilities?

Speaker 2: 18:36

Sure, I think many parents I find often will get frustrated with their child because it's hard for them often to work with their own child. I hear this all the time and they butt heads and then sometimes parents might say the wrong things out of frustration why are you so bad at this? Why? Why can't you do this? Just focus, just do it. And it makes the child feel crushed because they can't just do it. And it makes the child feel crushed because they can't just do it. They can't just do the assignment or write the paragraph or read the sentence, because it's just a struggle for them.

Speaker 2: 19:08

So I think it is natural for all of us to get frustrated sometimes, but I think really just walking out of the room and saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing. I think the right things to say would really be to focus again on the positive. You're doing great. I like how you're working so hard. I know this is a struggle, but I see the effort that you're putting in and that's really going to pay off. Keep doing it, keep working on it. Really, just using more of those positive mantras, positive words, and if you feel yourself in a phase of frustration and that you were going to say something that you may regret later. Just walk out of the room and just kind of keep it to yourself until you feel cool, calm, collected, and then try to focus on the positive.

Speaker 1: 19:50

Yeah, absolutely, because obviously the last thing any of us want to do is to hurt our children or bring down their confidence or anything like that. But in the moment, yes, it can be absolutely been there, frustrating, especially when you realize, before you realize, that, like you said, it's not a matter of just being able to focus and do it. There's, there's more going on. So one of my last questions for you, as my son is getting older and he's in high school now at what point do you suggest that the parent obviously we always want to be an advocate for our kids, but what point do you suggest that we start to take a back seat and let them start to handle these things? Like if maybe there's a teacher that's grading them based on spelling and they're not supposed to, it's in their IEP or something At what point do you say mom needs to take a step back from calling and let the kid handle it?

Speaker 2: 20:38

I think that's a great question.

Speaker 2: 20:40

I think part of it depends on the child and when you as a parent feel that they're mature enough to start to handle it on their own.

Speaker 2: 20:47

But I think in general high school really ninth grade is a great time to start to take a step back, because soon enough they're going to be on their own and they're not going to have mom or dad behind them to advocate for them and to do everything for them.

Speaker 2: 20:59

And I think that that may require some guidance in the beginning. If a child comes home and says you know, my teacher didn't give me the extra time that I was supposed to get on the test, instead of you as a parent reaching out to the teacher, coach your child to say, okay, after school today or during lunch, go up to your teacher and tell them what you just told me, that you believe you should have gotten extra time and you didn't. And what can we do about it? So I think, even though our natural instinct as a parent is just to do everything for our child, at some point they do need to learn how to advocate for themselves. And if they make a mistake and they say the wrong thing in the beginning. That's okay. Coach them on how to do better next time, but there does come a point where they do need to start handling things on their own and you, as a parent, can be there to coach them through that process.

Speaker 1: 21:44

Yeah, I love that and I know it is so hard. You know, like you said, we want to jump in and fix things and that's certainly not always the answer. And as we want to build strong communication skills in our kids, having difficult conversations, especially with a superior, you know, having difficult conversations, especially with a superior, you know, is something that they have to learn at some point, and so, you know, encouraging them to go do that, I think, is key, so that's great.

Speaker 2: 22:10

And another point is I think that kids are very comfortable with their phones if they have them when they're older and they would rather just send a text message to someone, to relay a message or even an email although kids don't use email as much but I'm a believer in encouraging them to have that difficult conversation and not just to send a text but to go up to the person, look them in the eye and express to them how they feel, and it's very challenging for a lot of kids, but it's such an important life skill that they really need to have.

Speaker 1: 22:39

It really is. It really is, and if you, if those of you are listening like well, my kid's not to that point yet. You don't have to think about this necessarily just with things like having conversations with teachers. But one thing that I try to encourage people to do too, is have your kid call and order pizza rather than you call and order it. Or, when you're at a restaurant, have them tell the server what they want to eat instead of you telling it for them. So we can start with the easy things. Right, I want a cheeseburger. And the more they do that, speaking with people that they don't know, then hopefully the easier it will be when the time comes. They need to have more difficult conversations with people. Absolutely Love that. Well, dr Emily, this has been very helpful and, like I said, a very personal thing to me. Is there anything else that you want to share before we wrap things up? Other ways that we can build our kids up when they're dealing with these additional struggles?

Speaker 2: 23:28

I think always being your child's best advocate from the get-go. If they're struggling, stay in touch with your child's teacher, find out what services a school can offer them and just keep an eye on how they're doing year to year, day to day really, because there might be one month where they're doing great and then the following month they start to tank and you want to just be on top of that and not find out after the fact when you could have taken action earlier.

Speaker 1: 23:51

Yes, that is so true, so true. It's much harder to dig yourself out of a hole than to dig it to begin with, and so and when I I just wanted to say, too, that I love that you all offer virtual tutoring as well. I think that there are some good things that came out of 2020, and all of that and being able to offer virtual education and virtual support being so much more widespread is so helpful to parents who have kids that need this support but don't have anybody in their town that offers specialized training, and that's what you all are specialized in not just tutoring, but tutoring based on very specific things where kids definitely need certain types of advanced support, right.

Speaker 2: 24:30

Absolutely. It's very much research-based, multisensory and truly customized to the needs of each student. And, yes, we have amazing resources that we use for our virtual tutoring sessions, where the student and the tutor can engage as though they were in person. So I would say that was definitely a silver lining that came out of COVID.

Speaker 1: 24:49

Yeah Well, we'll be sure to make sure we link to your website all your socials and everything. So if anybody's listening and you're like, yes, I need some help here in this area, you will know exactly where to find Dr Emily and her team. We really again appreciate your time and all the support that you're giving to our kiddos. It is very, very much appreciated.

Speaker 2: 25:06

Thank you so much for having me, and it's my pleasure.