SPEAKER_00 0:38

Welcome back to Speak Out Standout. I'm Elizabeth Green, and today's guest is Samantha Taylor. Samantha is the founder of Olive Speech Therapy and Empowered Parent Network. She's a mom to a deaf son and a son with ADHD, and she has a focus on empowering families while breaking down barriers in education and communication. So, Samantha, we are excited to have you here today.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Yeah, I am so grateful to be here and I'm so excited to talk with you today.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

So obviously, you have a lot of um qualifications under your belt, but how did you get to the point in life where this is your focus and helping families and this specifically the focus that you have?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yeah, yeah, great

Samantha’s Story And Why Advocacy

SPEAKER_01 1:16

question. Um, so I had my son when I was 20 years old. Um, I was still in college really trying to figure out who I was as a human being, let alone a mother. And um, when he was born, um, after repeated uh hearing screenings that he failed, we realized, well, actually, we found out he was deaf at four months old. And so my whole world was kind of rocked because he was the first deaf person I had ever met. Um, and uh for your families that are familiar, uh, because he had um this hearing loss, he did qualify for early intervention. And then going into preschool services, he had an IEP. And during that time, I realized I needed to kind of pivot my career goals and aspirations. And I met his speech pathologist, and I was like, wait, you get paid to play with kids. I want to know about this. So while he was a toddler uh going into preschool, I went back to grad school. And I say all this because um going into those meetings uh about my son with having like a minimal foundation at that time in grad school, I felt blindsided. I was so overwhelmed. I was so scared. I felt like I was being talked at, not talked to. And so that experience has always stuck with me as a professional. So here we are, uh he's going into a senior year, so it's been a minute. Um, I've never lost sight of what that felt like. So it has really stuck with me to support the families that I work with because there is a lot of fear and uncertainty. And especially with um different things that we're doing, we don't always have the confidence or the know-how to navigate these systems. So I've really made it my mission to support families, to support confidence in them, to advocate for their child, but also showing their children how to do this so that they can also do it for themselves as they grow.

unknown 3:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

And that is so important and definitely what I want to talk about today. I'm in this same boat, well, similar boat. My son is 18. He also has an IEP, but for ADD. Um, and so um we went through the same experience with not knowing what to do, not what knowing what to ask, feeling like you were being talked at. And uh little by little, we found more resources. So I'm glad that there are so many resources out there and people like you that help people. So if you're listening and you're like, we're about to go down this path, do a little bit of research first, listen to some podcasts, read some things because knowledge is power, as they say, right? So, and obviously, the schools, whether you're in a public school, private school, charter school, the end goal is they are there to support your kids. But unfortunately, I think a lot of people with kids with IEPs will say they had to force that to happen. You know, not in out like I don't want to get on like anything about like teachers and and professionals are incredible people, they're overwhelmed, they have too much. And I think that's where we run into the issues of we have to kind of stay on top of things and just not expect that it'll happen. So, Samantha, let's I want to talk about how to teach our kids to advocate for themselves. But first of all, what would you say to the parent who might be listening that's thinking, okay, yeah, we're about to have our first IEP meeting, or I'm expecting that we're gonna go down this path. What do I do to be prepared?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Yeah, yeah. So there are some of the tactical, practical things, right? About we do our research, we maybe learn some of the terminology. And while that is important, um, the one thing I always tell parents to keep in mind is that next to your child, you're the most important person at that meeting and you know your child best. So it's really important

Preparing For A First IEP Meeting

SPEAKER_01 4:58

to keep that in mind. Ideally, and I I want to say 99% of the time, we all have your child's best interests at heart, the teams and what have you. But as you mentioned, they're overworked. They may have 50, 100, 150 children on their caseload. So no one is going to advocate for your child as strong as you are. So it might be um maybe they don't know what your child is like outside of the school setting, or they don't know um what avenues you've already tried, or they don't know where your child's truly struggling. Bring all of that to the table and keep in mind, again, that you know your child best through those different um situations, scenarios, things like that. It's really, really important to um to also come to the table willing to collaborate because these meetings can be really, really intense. So it almost feels like uh parents on one side, school on the other side, and we're preparing for battle. And I never, ever, ever want it to feel like that because the second we come in with our guard up, their guard goes up too, and it's not as productive as it can be. So come in ready to collaborate, come in with curiosity and vulnerability. So I'll be completely transparent when I come to the team and say, you know what? Like, and this is me as mom. I I didn't quite understand that. Or I'm curious, why did you make that suggestion? Or, you know what, I just don't know. Can you explain that to me? And it's not that I I've definitely had those times where I feel like I should know more, or I don't want to appear like I don't know enough, or that I haven't done the research. Um, so I've definitely had those times. I don't ever want to diminish those feelings. But by being the professional at the table as well, I've realized it's okay to ask those questions. And that's where we get that clarity and that understanding is having those conversations where we're vulnerable, we're honest, we're collaborative.

unknown 6:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

I I heard something, somebody say not too long ago, and this has really stuck with me that we're all doing this for the first time. We're all parenting for the first time, or grandparenting for the first time, or going through IEP meetings, you know, we're all doing it for the first time, and we're not expected to know all things. So having resources like that though, I know that um, you know, I was just talking with a friend of mine and they're starting their IEP process, and I was telling her some of the things her son's very similar to mine and and things he struggles with, but he's just a little bit younger and was telling her things that have helped my son over the years. She was like, I had no idea that they could do that. They didn't say that. And and I think that just like you said, going in with an open mind and being willing to listen because the teachers also see a side of our kids that we don't see as parents, you know? And so they have and they've done this before with other kids. They they know what can work, but also, um, like you said, doing a little bit of research and and having resources like you in your back pocket as the parent, you know, to be able to say, that I think that this might work. What do you think? Or this might help our son or our daughter or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yeah. And another thing I always say is ask for everything, because it's an automatic no if you don't ask. So I say ask for everything, but be willing to compromise because there are some things that we may ask for that they maybe don't have the resources for or doesn't make sense in the day-to-day. But I say still ask for it because then you can have some really great conversations out of it too.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah. So for the homeschooling families who are listening, and I know a lot of homeschooling families, homeschool, obviously they all have their own unique reasons, but sometimes it is because they feel like the school system is not supporting their child specific needs when it comes to something like an IEP. How do we teach kids in whether they're go to school, whether they're homeschooled with us, how to advocate for themselves as they grow? Because they're not, in that case, so maybe they're not seeing mom in an IEP meeting. They're not hearing dad have these conversations. So, what are the things that we can do to build that confidence and standing up for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Absolutely. So, one of my all-time favorite uh public speakers

Modeling Self-Advocacy With Grace

SPEAKER_01 8:52

is Ed Milette. I don't know if you're familiar with him, um, but he one of his lines is lessons are caught, not taught. So it's really important that we're modeling this day in and day out. And it can be as something as simple as at the grocery store that we um are standing up for ourselves if needed, or if uh we maybe, I don't know, get an overcharge at something that we don't just accept it, that we are advocating for ourselves. And one of my pillars in um what I teach is advocating with grace. So again, we don't want to come out guns ablazing, ready for battle, but we want to make sure that we're standing up for ourselves, that we're saying, you know what? What you said there, that that really upset me, that really hurt my feelings. Can we talk about it? Um, instead of just accepting it, instead of just sweeping things under the rug. Um, because and I think we're in a really, really great time. I think in our lifetimes we've really transitioned from, ah, that's just how it's always been, like it's fine, just accept it to no, it it may have always been like that, but that doesn't mean we have to accept that. It's okay to ask questions, it's okay to tell people how we feel and acknowledge how it feels. Um, so that's that's probably the biggest thing I would say is make sure you're modeling this because then your children are seeing it in real time. And they're seeing, so they're not only seeing where um the initial event was, but they're seeing how you respond to it, and then they're also seeing the after effects, the result of it. So I think that's really, really important. And talking to your children about this too, checking in with them, um, or even saying to them, you know, I uh I was talking to my friend Mary, and she said something that kind of hurt my feelings. And so I talked to her about it. So really being open and honest with your kids, and obviously we want to keep in mind how old they are, what level of language is appropriate for them, but I think really letting them kind of see into our minds of how we're processing and handling situations can be really, really helpful.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, and I love that um advocating for yourself with grace is is one of your your pillars because um we all know, right? You catch more bees with honey. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and it doesn't always happen, like it's not always going to be pretty, but we can always approach it that way. And you made me think your examples were great. You made me think of um, there's a guy I follow on social media and I do not know his name, but I see his videos a lot. And he's always has a group of boys with him and he's teaching them how to just do everyday life situations. And one of the examples was they went to a restaurant, they have to they learned how to order their own food, and one of them got the wrong food. Uh, they had set us up in advance, and then he was teaching them, what are you gonna do? Are you just gonna eat that? What if you're allergic to it? You know, like you, you know, but but you're also not gonna throw it back and be like, this isn't what I ordered. And it's just little things like that that, you know, unless our kids are are around, they don't know how to handle. And so I think it's important for us to remember that you know, they they say your kids are always watching, and they don't know they they're not always gonna do the things we want them to do, but they are watching our behavior and ultimately they are learning from it.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Absolutely. And one thing I want to add to, I um lovingly refer to myself as a recovering people pleaser. Um, so way back when I would, if they gave me something at a restaurant, for example, that I didn't like, I would kind of just suck it up and eat it. And then it just wouldn't be the experience. I would be a little frustrated with myself. I'd be frustrated with them for maybe mixing it up, but I wouldn't do anything about it. Um, but by having my son and having to advocate for him, it actually taught me how to advocate for myself as well. So one of our rules in our house is specifically for restaurants, it's funny that this example keeps popping up, is if your order's wrong, we let them know because you deserve to have the meal that you you ordered. And and it goes for everything. And obviously, we're not going to berate them, we're not going to be rude. Everyone is human. We all make mistakes. I make mistakes at least 10 times a day. So, but it's just letting them know, oh, I I actually ordered this. Is it um okay if um I send this back and get what I had ordered or whatever it may be? And it feels really, really good afterwards to to work through and resolve those um situations where it didn't quite go the way we were hoping the first time around.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Right, right. I'm totally with you. I say the same about myself recovering people pleaser, and it's harder than it it sounds to be. But um, I think that a lot of our generation grew up like that. And and we want our kids to grow up to be healthy, happy, kind, empathetic people, but we I don't want them to be people pleasers either. So, what are some other tips or ways that we can build these kind of skills in our kids, just in our everyday lives?

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah, so specifically, um, I have my two boys, um, they're 11 and 17 right now. And it's really important um in our family, we have a culture where we are allowed to ask why, and not in a disrespectful way by any means, but if I ask you to do something or whatever it may be, you're allowed to ask me why. And I'm I will explain it to you. And you still you still need to do it, but you can kind of understand the the reasoning behind it because as a people pleaser, I grew up, I never asked why. I just kind of did what was expected at all times, and it got to the point where I kind of

Home Routines That Build Confidence

SPEAKER_01 14:08

tried to anticipate what people wanted me to do as well. And there was no real rhyme or reason. I just felt like I needed to do it. So that's one of the things is we are asked, or we do allow our kids to ask us why. But also we allow them to tell us like, again, we're human. We might have a day where I might be a little snippy, or um I might do something, I might accidentally throw something away that they wanted to keep. They're allowed to call me out on that. Again, respectfully. Um, but they're allowed to say, you know what, that that really hurt my feelings when you did that. Uh, because it gives them a space to practice that in real time, especially with your family, because there are lots of moments that pop up in a day-to-day. Uh, but it gives them those skills so that when they're out and about in the the world, whether it's at school, in the job, out with friends, whatever it may be, they've already gotten some reps in their under their belt of how to handle those situations that it makes a little bit easier and a little less scary because they've already had practice.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Yeah, I think that's so important because we are the authority figures in their lives right now, and they're going to have other authority figures in their lives as they grow up. So, like you said, I was envisioning, yeah, being able to have those conversations with you is going to help them to be able to prepare to have that conversation in the right way with a boss, you know, or you know, something like that, or their own their own partners and things like that. So I think sometimes people tend to still be in it, can be in the old mindset of I'm the boss, I'm the parent, you're gonna do what I say, and it doesn't matter why. And I think people I I more and more I feel like people are coming around to realizing that that maybe isn't like the best strategy to do. But obviously, like you said, you still have to do it or not do it if it's something I'm telling you you can't do. But if we don't tell them or help them understand why, they're they're not gonna be able to make these decisions for themselves in the future of oh, maybe I shouldn't do that. And here's why.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

So also another thing is I do do explain to my kids because yes, we are allowed to ask why, absolutely, but sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do or that are good for us. So that's another kind of mantra that we use in our houses. Sometimes we have to do things that um we don't want to do that are good for us. So for example, if I say you need to do your homework and they ask why, um, we explain like obviously it's practice, it's um letting you learn the lessons a little bit deeper, but also it's giving you the opportunity to learn how to do things that you maybe don't want to do. Because when you get a job, there's gonna be some tasks you don't want to do. So yes, you're able to ask me why, but we still have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

So what other kind of these are great tips? And I it sounds simple. And I feel like a lot of the times the things that we teach our kids we're we're doing without thinking about. We're not purposely doing that, you know, but we but we are, and that can go good and bad. But what are some other ideas and or things that you all do in your home that maybe other families could say, oh yeah, we can absolutely incorporate that into our routine or our strategies or you know, our family goals, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah, so there's a couple of things that um kind of popped into mind as you were asking that. So one thing, um, one of the first things that we do is we have um dinner together every night at the table. No technology is allowed. Um, so and it's for conversations. And we uh talk about something that went well. We talk about maybe a problem that we have, and maybe it's we can say, like, oh, I just want you to listen, or can you help me resolve this problem, whatever it might be? But we have actual conversations because um, I don't know about your day-to-day, but ours is absolute chaos going from practice to to work to school to events. So that's kind of our protected time. We really value that time so that everyone is able to be heard and being able to share. And then the other thing that um is really important that we have incorporated is we will do it probably quarterly, but we have monthly or we have meetings. And so our last name is Taylor, so we call it Team Taylor. It's a little cheesy, um, but it's great because it gives us the opportunity to talk about, we talk about goals. So I'm I'm an SLP. My whole life is dictated by long-term goals and objectives. And so in our family, we talk about what are our individual goals? What do we want to achieve? Um, what are the objectives? Um, so for example, if it's, oh, I don't know, my son wants to make um uh 500 baskets or whatever for basketball. It's like, okay, that's your goal. How are we gonna do this? Okay, by March, I'm going to be outside every day for 30 minutes and I am going to try to get, I don't know, however many goals or uh baskets, whatever it may be. But then also with that, we also set a family goal. Um, so uh an honest example is my husband and I, we love each other, but we bicker. And so the boys brought it to our attention. You know, like, you know what, it really upsets us when we hear you guys like bickering. So we made that a family goal to decrease that. And our objectives were um maybe we would address it before it got to the point where we were annoyed. We uh picked specific language that we might use. Um, we would make sure that the boys weren't around or whatever it may might be. But it was great because then it brought our family a little bit closer and it helped us address something that was bothering the boys that we maybe wouldn't have known about what otherwise.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah, I think what a great and obviously safe environment for them to be able to feel that they can say that. Um, you know, because we the last big thing we want to hear is how we're doing something wrong. But we have to be open to hearing that for, you know, like I said, if they had never felt comfortable telling you that, this could be something that really bothered them for years, you know. So being able to let our kids critique us without being offended by it, which is hard. I've teens too, and so and teens will tell you, teens will tell you real quick what you've done wrong. And it's hard to not get defensive um about it, but but being able to listen to them and understand their point of view and then showing them that you respect them enough to be able to fix it or you know, you know, keep them out of that situation is huge. And I just wanted to add one thing too. If you're listening and you're like, we run a million different directions, we cannot do sit-down dinners together. You are not alone. My husband's a high school football coach, he doesn't get like tonight, he won't be home till 10 o'clock. Dinner together is not happening for us during football season. That doesn't mean that's the only time you can have conversations. And one thing that I have found that is really helpful for us is if I know we're not gonna have a time where we're all together, even when I'm just with one kid talking in the car. If you're running all over the place, that is like captive time where you have them. And we always say like it's a no-phone zone. If it's something like that, I always say it's no phone zone, you know, and they know, okay, I can't be on my phone, I gotta talk to mom for a little bit. But but when you have them captive in the car, um, that can be a great, great way to engage those conversations if you can't make it where everybody's sitting down at the same time together.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I love that. And that's such a great point because there are times where you are kind of captive in the car. So it's a great opportunity to talk. And that's another thing too, is it doesn't have to be everyone all at the same time. It can be you and a child or you and uh your spouse or whoever it may be, but it's just having that intentional time in those intentional conversations in whatever way makes the most sense for your family.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Well, Samita, I wanted to ask you one other thing about for our kids who are in school, maybe we're thinking like middle school into early high school years, and uh at some point we have to stop being the one that's reaching out to the teacher if there's an issue or they're not understanding something, and that can be hard, especially for if you're like me. I just I want to get in and just get it done. I'm the fixer, I'm gonna make it happen. But we have to back away from that at some point. Do you have tips or strategies for kids in that age who are going to be doing this for the first time that maybe they turned in an assignment they know that they did, and the teacher says that they didn't, or whatever it is, how they can approach those conversations with an adult that is a little bit scarier

Handing Teens The Teacher Conversation

SPEAKER_00 22:20

than talking to mom about.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Absolutely. And that's such a great thing to bring up because middle school going into middle school until high school is such a tough transition because our kids, they're not quite children yet, but they're not quite adults. And so they're trying to figure out who they are. That's when we're really looking. Our identity, and then we're throwing puberty into the mix too. So it's a really, really tough time. But there are those situations that pop up where, well intended, us parents maybe want to step in because we know we we've been in these situations before, or we might feel more confident because the teachers are generally our peers are about our age, so it feels a little more comfortable. But it is really important to give our children those opportunities to advocate for themselves, to explain themselves. Um, every school does things a little bit differently. Um, but from personal experience, actually, the homework assignment specifically happened to my 11-year-old this past uh school year. And he was adamant that he did it. The teacher was adamant that he did not. Um, and with how his school is set up, they all have their Chromebooks, they all have email addresses and things like that. And it's a it's a close network, so he can only email within his school team. Um, but we sat down together and we worked on the an email to send to his teacher together. So um, because as a uh preteen uh or a teenager, you maybe don't have the vocabulary yet. You maybe don't know how to express yourself. So I think doing it together, especially in those early stages, is really great. But letting them take the lead, we're just kind of guiding them, maybe telling them, like, oh, when I was in this situation before, these are some things I said, or um, maybe this is how you you could consider wording it, or you know what, have them write it out and read it and say, like, oh, how does that, how does that sound to you? Does that sound okay? How do you think um someone else reading this would take it with it, would it hurt their feelings? Would they get the point of it? Um, are you explaining yourself in a way that is capturing your message? Things like that. So kind of holding their hand as you're passing the torch, I guess, is the best way I tend to navigate those situations.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

I love the email approach too, because you can help guide them through it. They're not totally on their own. And also just more time to think about what you're gonna say. And it's a lot less intimidating for somebody to send an email than to go up and talk to somebody in person about something they don't really want to talk about. So I love that approach. I just last night we were at meet the teacher for my eighth grader mom, and he's a quiet kid. And I know I noticed, you know, which was kind of weird, the teachers like looked to me to tell them his name, which it normally in a normal situation, especially with a little kid, you would. But I had to make myself, I just step back when they looked at me. I just stepped back and kind of pushed him forward. And then when he said his name, and he said it kind of quietly, they said, What? My instinct was to say it for them, you know, so that they would hear. And I had to make myself just not. And I think it little things like that, that it's so much easier for us just to do it. It's a major disservice to the kids if they are not put in these opportunities, and especially in a situation like that where they've got mom beside them helping with the email, or mom right beside them as they're being introduced to new people. So just those everyday little, little interactions, kind of pushing them outside of their comfort zone a little bit, I think really builds their confidence and communication skills. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Absolutely, absolutely. And even things like uh going back to the restaurant example, having your child order for themselves is huge. Um, my my younger son is kind of soft spoken. Um, and a lot of times they'll say, Oh, what was that? And I just say, Oh, buddy, can you say it a little bit louder? She didn't hear you, or whatever it might be. Um, another thing that I wanted to add to that I really love, especially if we have kiddos who might be a little more timid or a little more shy or reserved, I love role playing. And I love giving them different options of in terms of how the communication partner will respond. And it can be a little silly, but it preps them for all sorts of responses. So I like to, um, depending on the situation, uh, whatever it may be, I will play the part of the other person. So using our example with the homework, I might play the part of the teacher and I will be really positive and really accepting, saying, Oh my

Role Play For Real-World Pushback

SPEAKER_01 26:38

gosh, you're right. I'm so sorry. I do see that you turned it in. I might be neutral, um, and it might be somewhere along the lines of oh, you might have, but I'm not able to find it. I'm not sure. Or I might come off a little um less positive. Um, no, I know for a fact you did not turn it in. It's going to be a zero, because that preps them for all types of responses too. And it it makes them feel hopefully a little bit more comfortable. We we don't want the negative response, but if some version of that does come, they're a little more prepared. And so it takes some of that uncertainty out of the picture.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

I love it. And just imagine, I mean, when we are nervous about something, what do we do? We practice to prepare for it before interviews, things like that. So doing offering these same opportunities for our kids is going to just, like you said, help them, help prepare them to be able to navigate whatever does happen, but also just feel a little bit better going into it, feeling like, okay, I know maybe a little bit of what to expect here. And I think that's where a lot of the fear comes from, not knowing what to expect. So if you can take that out of it or at least alleviate that a little bit, you're gonna have a child who's a little bit more eager to advocate for themselves.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Exactly. Yep. I always say I like to make the unknown known uh because that does alleviate a lot of the anxiety and the stress. So it's definitely helpful to do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Well, Samantha, this was uh you were full of fantastic tips. And I know you have more resources. You have a newsletter and different things that people can sign up for. We'll be sure to link to all of that. So if you're listening or watching, the links will be right wherever you are. But Samantha, if you just want to tell them a little bit more about what they can get from your website or what you offer, then that'd be great.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Absolutely. Uh, so I do own uh Pediatric Private Practice uh for speech therapy. Um it is in New York State. So unfortunately, if you're outside New York State, um, we aren't able to work with your child, but we do have a ton of resources um in terms of activities, red flags to look for, supports, things like that. So our Instagram

Resources And Where To Get Help

SPEAKER_01 28:31

is full of wonderful resources. Um, but then I also have something I started about a year ago, the Empowered Parent Network. And it's a really wonderful place for parents who are looking for support in navigating um advocacy for their child. So we talk a lot about special education laws, resources, but then also how to help our child communicate effectively, how we can um really design our support system around us for different things like that. So um we have lots of great uh guest speakers, uh group discussions, things like that, because it it is a beautiful community to be able to support each other navigating all these things.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Absolutely. So you are not on your own if you're listening to this and you're that you're thinking, I feel like I'm totally on my own figuring all this out. You're not on your own. There are resources out there for you and people ready to help. So well, Samaitha, thank you so much for your time. Thank you for all the great information, and thank you all for listening.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Yes, thank you so much for having me.