Welcome And Meet Katie Kimball

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Welcome back to Speak Out Standout. I'm Elizabeth Green, and today's guest is Katie Kimball. Katie is the founder of Raising Healthy Families, focusing on building healthy relationships with food and life skills in general. She's also a former teacher, a two-time TEDx speaker, a writer, a mom of four kids, and a creator of several online courses. She's got her hands in all the things. And Katie, I'm really excited to have this conversation with you. Thanks for being here today. Oh, thank you. This is, I mean, a topic near and dear to my heart for sure. Well, you obviously you do have lots of different facets of what you do, but the overall focus is on raising healthy, resilient, happy, kind kids, right? How did you get to this point in life where this is your focus? I mean, you were a teacher, you're a writer, you've done lots of things. Why is this your

The Guacamole Moment That Changed Parenting

SPEAKER_01 1:21

thing?

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Yeah, I mean, I I was that parent when my first was born because being a teacher and I had all the little Montessori, you know, activities around the house. And then when I had baby number two, she started eating all the beans from the Montessori activities. And I'm like, oh, this is, I don't know what to do to balance a toddler in a preschooler. Um, it was I was not taught that at university, uh, going to be a teacher. And so it just felt like um I got knocked off my horse a little bit at that point, like in in some of my like big goals, teaching my kids and like, you know, just kind of doing it all right. Um, but then when my oldest hit 10, and there was like this sense that I was halfway through parenting him. Um, and he had we had this experience where he had to do a how-to speech at school, and he decided to do food, which was great at that point. I was a food blogger, and I was like, oh, you know, you could you could show them how to make something. And he used a chef's knife, so I got to be there because fourth graders can't take knives to school in their backpacks, it's you know, kind of a thing. Uh and it was so great watching him wield this chef's knife. And the few other adults in the room were kind of like, well, you wouldn't sweat the pit out of the avocado because he was making guacamole. And I had, I just I had a moment where internally I also went, wait a second. I'm halfway through parenting and guacamole is the only dish he knows how to make. Like, like I had forgotten to keep going after I taught him one thing. So that was kind of my moment where I thought, okay, my kids need to learn to cook. This is really important. And I spent that summer, uh, we actually I let each of the three who were old enough to learn, because number four was a baby at that point. Uh, they invited a friend over, and and I went like full-on teacher mode, and like how what are the skills that kids would need to know to actually function well in a kitchen to be able to feed themselves when they leave home? And and so that's kind of where the teaching, like kids' cooking grew out of, because I kept hearing from my food blogging audience that it was so hard to eat healthy because they didn't know how to cook. And I thought, gosh, you know, if our generation is uncomfortable in the kitchen, we're certainly not teaching the next generation. And this cycle will continue with, you know, people feeling like they're unable to feed themselves whole foods. So that's kind of how I got into really guiding parents in helping with, you know, building these skills in the kitchen. And then we've since expanded to kind of more life skills. And I and I pull in people, you know, in other uh niches and finances and entrepreneurship. And um, it's been amazing, amazing to watch the way cooking builds confidence. And that was a surprise to me. I didn't know that would happen.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah, I think what a first of all, what a cool like mashup of your skills and your interests and hobbies. That is that I think that's so cool how that all came together. But it is one thing though, now you're talking my kids are 13 and 17, and my 17-year-old used to love to bake, and so he did a lot in the kitchen, but he wanted to bake the sweets and things like that. And um, and they've, you know, they've learned how to cook a little bit, but I'm literally thinking, I don't teach them very much in the kitchen. I focus on we focus on so many things. They need to learn math. We I teach them public speaking and confidence and things like that. But we just kind of as moms, I think, tend to do the things in the kitchen without and necessarily remembering that this is a skill that they need to learn too. So and what how lucky are your kids' partners gonna be when they grow up and and move in with somebody that they're gonna have somebody who knows how to cook and cook well.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Well, I have to tell you, that 10-year-old from the story is 21 and he's getting married in May. Um, and I like I've always said, I will raise boys that will be easy for my daughter-in-laws, you know? And I'm like, no, get a daughter-in-law, and it's such a treasure to watch, you know, he'll cook for her here in our house and make her a big breakfast, and it's just special.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Oh, I love it. I love it.

Confidence Beyond Public Speaking

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Well, and today, and you do have so much that people can watch and courses for kids to take and all that on cooking. So if you're listening to this and you're like, I want to know more about the cooking aspect, there's tons of that out there. But we're going to change the focus a little bit today to more building confidence in our kids and different ways we can do that here at home, which is obviously the goal of speak outstand out. And so what you know, what are some ways, especially we're talking like younger kids, teens and stuff, we can encourage them to run for student counsel or uh be the person to volunteer to say the prayer at the scout meeting or things like, you know, there's things that we can do that are directly related to speaking that build confidence, but there's a lot of other ways we can build confidence in our kids. So what are some of your top go-tos?

Life Skills Create Proof You Can

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Well, when we think about all that we do as moms and dads to run a household, there are so many skills of adulting that our kids will need. And the beautiful benefit actually of learning how to do household tasks, whether that's cooking or cleaning a toilet or checking the oil in your car, is that it does build confidence. Anytime that you begin a task, see it through, you know, accomplish it effectively, that's that's like a piece of proof. It's a piece of proof for your brain that you can do something. And when it's something that you know adults do, I feel like that levels it up a little bit. I always say that if a child or a teen can feed another human being, that's like literally keeping them alive. And to know that, like I remember um kid number three, he's 14 now, but when he was seven, he said, Mom, I think I'm ready to learn the chef's knife. He had been using a pairing knife for about three years at that point. And I was like, Whoo, you know, seven. That's that's pretty young. But he felt he was ready. I felt I agreed that he was ready. And one of the phrases that he'll pull out from time to time is, I bet, I bet other kids in my grade can't do this. You know, and like that's like confidence just oozing out. What a cool feeling. And so I think really any skill that you can teach your kid, and then especially if you can give them some ownership, allow them to experiment and fail, because that's going to build resilience too, is in a funny way what we do inside the home absolutely builds confidence for anything else, whether it's public speaking or just, you know, interacting with a new friend or right, just like raising a hand in class or ordering at a restaurant. Um, all of that comes from confidence. And we we have one confidence bucket. So if we can build it in any arena of life, it applies to all the other arenas.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah, that's so cool. I could absolutely see um my kids feeling the same way about like I can do this and other kids can't. You know, and I think back of like being a kid myself, what we wanted more than anything was to be an adult, you know. Now we can if we could like go back and change those thoughts, you know. But we just thought it was so cool to see our parents do adult things, you know. So, all right, so they uh maybe uh giving them a little bit more um grown-up tasks in the kitchen, obviously very observed and and and teaching them how, right? Um, what are what are some other things that we can do though that would outside of the kitchen or the you know, the knife example?

Money Skills Kids Cannot See

SPEAKER_00 8:21

I mean, I'm a huge fan of helping kids understand their finances. So every year when we do our Life Skills Now um summit, we we host an awesome summer camp every year and we make it free for a week and there's always a finances track and it's always super popular because it's it's one of those tasks that's hard for parents, I think, to pass on to their kids because there's so much invisibility to it. Right. If I pick up my phone and I'm checking my bank balance or I'm, you know, investing some money, it looks to a child the same as if I'm scrolling Instagram or Facebook. And so they they can't always tell what we're doing and they can't always see some of the decisions we're making at the grocery store to stay within our budget or how we choose to give to church. You know, a lot of that has become so digitized that they don't even see the hand and the cash being exchanged, you know, at the market. And so I think I think parents are intimidated by that. But that means it's all the more important. And for a child to be able to learn to earn his or her own money, you know, in some sort of like little entrepreneurial venture, whether that's a lemonade stand or selling some toys of theirs on Facebook Marketplace, um, these are that makes kids feel so cool to be able to earn their first dollar and then to figure out how to manage that and how to how to save, how to spend, you know, how to give their their simple yet complex tasks. And and I always encourage parents, like so here's the practical tip, is to do a little bit of that narrating out loud when you're making financial decisions because kids can't see it, you know. So we we do it when they're toddlers, like, oh, mommy's holding the handrails, so I'm safe on the stairs, right? But we kind of stop doing that when they're older. And especially for parents of middle and high school students, I would say the more you can narrate some of your adult decisions in the areas of finances or other, the better, because that's gonna sort of seek sink in to their consciousness then.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Yeah, absolutely. I was just thinking, like being at the store, um, not too long ago, my youngest son asked me, Why aren't you getting two of those? You get one free because it was a BOGO deal. And I just had to explain to him, well, you don't actually have to get both of them at the store. You can get one for half price. And it was just like a little learning experience. But had he not questioned me, I I wouldn't have thought to like, like you just said, narrate some of the kind of decisions that I'm making. And and those are things that obviously he's going to need to know. They're not going to learn these things in school. Um, I have to absolutely uh 1,000% agree with you regarding the like the earning money. Um, my same son, 13, for about three years now, he has had a job taking out trash cans for our neighbors. So Monday evening after school, he takes them out. Tuesdays after school, he puts him back after the trash has run. And he has learned how to earn and save money. And he's he actually bought himself a like a mini motorcycle, which I never in a million years would have bought for him. But it was really hard to say no and he earned every dime for it, you know? But it's been so interesting to watch him learn okay, if I want to buy this, how many trash cans or how many weeks or how many months do I have to work to have the money for it? And it has he has done a tremendous job of learning how to manage money. And it goes back to the pride thing, like you were talking about. It he lights up when you can see him telling people that he has a job. But he used to say, actually, I tell people I have a trash job, but that sounds like I don't have a good job. I should probably change the way I say that. But so absolutely, and 100% agree with these things, those little things that we're not thinking this is building confidence. It absolutely is.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

To have ownership in anything, really. Uh, my we we live in a decently affluent area. And unfortunately, a lot of my kids' peers, their parents pay for everything. They pay for their gas, they they Venmo them money, you know, even for gas. And I just feel like, you know, my my kids watch that and they say, what are they gonna do when they graduate high school? Like, when does the ownership shift? When does the responsibility shift? So it's been really interesting to hear, you know, my own teenagers sort of observe the other, and they're not exactly happy that they have to pay for their own gas. And my daughter, if she wants to get a fancy haircut, she's gonna have to pay for that herself, you know, or mom can trim it at home. And it's uh what adult decisions she has to make on how to spend her money. So again, she's like, she always feels caught in the middle. She's like, I don't know that I have to pay for this, but I do get like I do get that I'm building skills, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

And one of these days, you know you're gonna get the mom, you were so right in making me do that.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

And you know, one of these days you're gonna get years from now. Dear God, please let it happen.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Speaking of that, especially talking about our teens,

Chores Without Constant Fights

SPEAKER_01 13:01

right? Um, we they need to know how to do things around the house. Like you talked about, you know, checking the oil. My son was so excited, my older son felt so excited. He wasn't excited, but I could tell he felt very proud to show his girlfriend how to change a tire when she busted a tire on the way to her house, you know? But outside of things like that, when it's like I could just show off for somebody that I want to impress, cleaning the toilet or doing the dishes are not necessarily things that they're like excited to show off about. How do we get them to do this without a fight?

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Goodness. Um, I mean, there's no way to do it without any complaining. It's just be realistic here. I mean, I complain when I have to clean too, so to be fair. Um, but I I mean it's so important to set your expectations and keep them consistent. So I'm I'm I want to say like I'm a messy person visually, I'm a piles person. I am I I act really unorganized. But if I can get a really simple system that works, it makes me feel like an organized person. So um, two examples that we use in our house to just help the whole family take responsibility for the household. One is we have after meal chores, and again, we have four kids. So the after meal chores are put away the food that's left out, um, wipe all the surfaces, do the dishes. And then the last one is called the helper. And that's kind of, you know, if someone is gone, they have to step in or whatever. Um, and those rotate every week. So you have your same job for that week, and then the next week it rotates. And the good thing is is that dinner happens every day. And so it's easy to remember like, what are the aftermeal chores? And yeah, yeah, do they love it? No, but it's easy to say, hey, everybody eats, everybody participates. And then each of our kids does also make one meal a week. And so the great thing is if you make the meal, you don't have to do your aftermeal chore. So there's a little bit of a, you know, a balance and incentive, and that's kind of how that's how my husband and I have always worked, even when it was just the two of us, you know, if I cooked, he would clean, and vice versa. Um and so I think just establishing that this is a family and this is a team, and we're all, you know, we all eat, therefore, we all have to help out. I say that a lot when I come home from a grocery store. You know, I'll be like, I have huntered and gathered anyone who eats in the house, get out to the band and just put the food inside, you know, if you want to eat. Let's go. Um, you know, keeping it a little light and stuff for our general weekly household chores that aren't those aftermeal chores. We've had a system that's worked for over a decade because it's super flexible. And so I have this um piece of paper, it's a checklist of all the household tasks that need to be done weekly and monthly. We put it in a sheet protector so we can use, you know, just market check them off every week. And the kids have to get it 20 points per week. Bigger tasks are three or four points, smaller tasks are one or two. Um, and the great thing is is that it gives them the system gives them a little bit of agency because they could do one task per day. Um, a lot of my kids tend to just slam them all onto Saturday morning and get them done. Because the checkpoint, again, for me, I don't have to nag all week because it's Sunday after brunch. That's like the stop point that I say, okay, we got to settle up on chores, do have them done for the week. If they do, great, they get them checked off and they're free to go. If they don't, there's no recreation of any kind until that's done. So they can't read a book, they can't hop on a video game, they can't call a friend. Um, and so again, what's nice is that they learn to budget their time and they learn what sort of kind of task personality they have. Do I prefer to do one a day? Do I prefer to put them all on Saturday? Or we, you know, my uh my 11-year-old, the youngest, he's big at like making plans and then deciding to go play anyway. He's big on saying, I'm gonna do one chore, you know, every morning when I wake up here in the summer, every day after school. Um, and then, oh, well, no, I'll just do, I'll do half on Saturday and then half on Sunday before church. And it's um he you can like see his brain growing because then he'll get frustrated with himself on Sunday that Saturday, Saturday self left some for Sunday, you know, and it's like he's just gonna learn so much through the process. But the part I love as the adult is again, there's no nagging all week because there's that one touch point, and that's the first and last time. If I don't want to say anything about chores, that's the only time I have to talk to them. That's I I love that.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

I think that that's huge. I feel like that's something I tend to do a lot is don't forget you have to do this before you go anywhere this weekend or whatever, you know. And it's always, I know, mom, but it you know, maybe I just need to stop the reminders, you know. I mean, and just let them, like you said, they suffer the consequence of you don't get to go where you want it to go if you didn't get it done in time. And it's up to you to remember.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah. And sometimes I'll say, you know, if they say, Oh, mom, can I go play and it's a Wednesday, I'll be like, Yeah, absolutely. Remember, chores are they have to be done by Sunday. And that just feels like light and easy and non-nagging.

Kids Cook One Meal A Week

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

And you mentioned I love the idea of them cooking at one night a week. That's incredible. Um, what age did they start doing that? Like where they could be responsible for a whole meal on their own.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah, that's a that's actually a really good story. So um, my oldest two, Paul and Leah, boy and a girl, were nine and twelve, and I wanted to volunteer um at high school youth group at our church. And my husband said, No way. Because it started at 5:30 on Sunday evenings. He said, Katie, I know you. You are gonna get the meal 75% done. You're gonna be freaking out and stressing out, and you're gonna like leave the house, and we're all gonna be sitting there like, uh, like holding your stress ball. He said, There's no way this is gonna work. I was like, shoot. I was like, I really, really want to help out. So I said to Paul and Leah, I said, I think you guys have the skills to do this. Would you be willing to, you know, allow mom to serve at church by serving the family and taking that Sunday meal? And so they said they would. And so what we did is we decided to just have homemade pizza every Sunday. That's like a pretty, pretty classic, you know, like people do that, right? Tacos every Monday or whatever. So they learned the recipe. What I decided to do was kind of pass that on to them. I had I made the whole recipe and had them watch. And then right away, because you can never have too much pizza, right away, then they made the recipe and I stepped back and watched. And I think they did it one other time while I was home, but elsewhere in the house, and then it was go time. Then it was the beginning of the school year, and I was starting to volunteer. So that was kind of awesome because I left and so I couldn't micromanage. Damn. You know, like I felt I had I had passed it really intentionally, taught them this skill, and then it was up to them. And by the end of that school year, I mean they were masters. They had the recipe memorized. They knew at 4 17 they could walk into the kitchen, you know, to have dinner ready by 5 30. And they were they knew they had like 11 minutes to play cards. They had a playlist. It was so sweet for like sibling bonding. Um, my daughter's a more organized one, so she was nine. That's that's pretty young. Um, but she's like the taskmaster, and then the 12-year-old, you know, is able to do maybe the heavier tasks of like putting stuff into the oven. Um, so at 12, then officially is when we pass on a meal a week, but it's always going to be for that whole first year the same dish so that they can practice the skills of organization, you know, the kind of the skills in the kitchen and not have to worry about learning a new recipe every week. Then the second year we switch it up and they do the old for the old favorite every other week. And the middle weeks, then they have to find a new recipe and figure it out. So it's it's like a it's very a very gradual release of responsibility. It's worked really well for us so far.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

I can also see that working really well for the parent because just thinking about having my kids cook dinner sound in theory sounds great, but in practice, like is it going to be even harder on me than just doing it myself, you know? So that sounds like a really great system where you can ease your way out of it and and they can get more confident as they go.

Teach Standards Without Micromanaging

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Well, you mentioned one other point without like kind of um nitpicking on things. What kind of tips do you have when we do teach them? Obviously, like if they're baking or something, like you have to be very particular about you, you have to make sure your measurements are exactly right. Things like that, I um thinking of my son, is a little bit more accepting whenever mom gives her opinion on things. Now, it how well he cleans the bathroom isn't is a different story. So, what do you say to parents who are like, I'm trying to teach them how to do it and to do it right without it m making him go back three different times to finish it. And by then he's so furious with me because he thinks I'm asking too much, which is speaking from experience.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I know, I know. Um, I mean, with so cleaning and cooking, obviously a little bit different cooking, like the end result is gonna speak for itself. And so that's the the checks and balances right there. When it comes to cleaning, we do with that chore system, the weekly chores, we do check their chores that they've been done appropriately well. And our biggest problem right now is that one of the kids will do a chore on a Wednesday and then they'll ask us to check it on a Friday, and we're like, like life has happened, dude. I don't know. I have no idea if you clean this well on Wednesday. So that's like the current, that's like the current friction point. Um, but yeah, when we check it, it because that's built into the system, it's a little bit easier to say, oh man, like I there's still yellow on the wall. When you clean the toilet, like I can see it, you know. Um, I do, I do lower my standards a little bit from where, you know, where I would clean for, for example, like my youngest is 11. And so I don't expect him to be as perfect or as detail oriented as I might be. Sometimes I'll go in and say, Oh, I'm just gonna do a couple finishing touches, right? I'm just gonna get this little bit, and as you get older, you'll be able to get this even cleaner or whatever. Um, but yeah, we do, I mean, we do want to have those standards ideally so that so that they're taking ownership, so that they're proud of their work and they're not rushing through. That's the thing. I'd love to say like just let them do it. But then you'll have you'll definitely have kids who will push the boundaries and just be like rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, like I did it. Right. Oh, absolutely. You know, they didn't really do it well. Um, but at any time, I think, I think a good rule of thumb for parents is anytime you can either ask a question instead of making a statement or give your kid agency in the form of a choice, the better. And so that's kind of why like in our system, they have choices. They don't have to do the same exact chores every week. They can choose whatever they want. They tend to, right now my kids are mostly in ruts. They tend to grab the same chores every week, which is fine. They're just gonna, those are their favorites and they'll work to mastery. But if they're unhappy about a chore I can always say you let's choose a different one. You know, so that's kind of nice and they and they know that they have that agency. And then when it comes to checking the chores if I'm smart, I'm not always smart, but if I'm on my game I try to ask a question right like do you do you see any dust left here on the coffee table or whatever. Or like you know, can you look at this this area and what do you see there? And just help them kind of build that sense of checking their own work. And then eventually like my two older ones I don't check their work anymore because we're to the point where I I trust them to do it. Well they're 18 and 21 you know they're they're basically adults. But that's been true for a number of years. And so the 14 year old like he's close he's close to not having the checks anymore, which is nice. And I think that's a goal for him to work toward and would sort of incentivize him to do a better job. So if you don't have to ask the parents for a check that's like five more minutes back in your life.

unknown 24:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

I love it. I wish that I had talked to you like 15 years ago I feel like we do we have some of the similar some some similar systems, but could there's so much room for improvement. And my goodness, these are so practical and like you said, they simple and straightforward everybody knows what to expect. They know what they need to get done and giving them like I said the choices to be able to do it when they want to do it and what they're gonna do. I I I think everybody accepts that a little bit better than being told go do this.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

You know not there's not zero complaining but right it is a little better.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Well they wouldn't be teenagers if if they didn't complain sometimes, right? Well Katie, this was so interesting. We have you know we talk a lot about building confidence in our kids focused on opportunities for them to speak to other people and and listening to them and all that. This is such a practical conversation and strategies that people anybody could

Free Workshops And How To Start

SPEAKER_01 25:22

start implementing. This was so valuable to me and you have tons of resources including the camps and everything that you offer but there are some resources parents could grab right now to learn more ways that they can do things like this at home, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Yes, absolutely. We created a special page at raisinghealthyfamilies dot com slash speakout for your podcast. And when parents go there they can get five of our life skills workshops. So we we talked about checking the oil that's one of them to learn how to check the fluids in your automobile and there's there's a cooking there's an entrepreneurship so it's really a nice grab basket of other voices teaching your kids a skill because sometimes that's so nice for parents to get a little break. You know, they hear our voice all day long, all week long and to have to have another adult say hey you know here's how you do this skill or here's how you can make your first dollar is pretty powerful for the kids.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

That's great. And are these like videos that they can watch or is they are these live classes? How does that work?

SPEAKER_00 26:19

No they're video workshops so you can use them at any point um at just at raisinghealthyfamilies.com slash speakout and they don't expire.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Perfect. Well thank you so much Katie and all the if you're listening or watching the links are wherever you're at on whatever page you're on so you'll be able to find the links to go check that out. You can also we'll link to Katie's socials so you can follow all the things they're doing on there. And again these are things that we can start doing with our littlest kids. Don't wait until they're the teenagers to start like flipping the script and be like, okay now we're gonna start doing these things that I wasn't asking you to do for years. The sooner you start the better but we can still start anytime, right? Like I mean even if somebody's like have a 15 year old who's never done a chore in his life we can still make that happen, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Oh my gosh, absolutely. It's always today is always the best day to start whether your child's two, twelve or twenty awesome.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Well thank you so much Katie we appreciate your time and your insight and all these great strategies. Thanks for being here. Oh you're welcome Elizabeth and thanks for listening.