Welcome And Meet Inger Masson

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Welcome back to Speak Out Standout. I'm Elizabeth Green, and today's guest is Inger Messon. Inger is an energy psychology therapist and the founder of the Empowered Parenting Framework. She works, she says her work sits in the space between gentle parenting and control-based approaches, and she likes to call it regulated leadership with the goal of helping parents of teens move from conflict and anxiety into calm, connection, and emotional resilience. Now, Anger, first and foremost, this sounds amazing. I'm excited to have this conversation. Thank you for being here today.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

And we want to dive in and ask you, we always start with what, you know, how did you get to this place in life where helping parents of teens particularly is your passion? And just a little like trigger warning, not trigger warning, but audio warning. I know that Inger is going to use the cuss word in just a minute because we've discussed this. So if you have little ears around, you might just mute it for 10 seconds and then come back. So Inger, tell us,

The Boundary Lesson From Conflict

SPEAKER_04 1:38

how did you become, you know, an expert in helping parents of teens?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Well, out of necessity. Um so Philip Larkin, the British poem, has a has uh has a poem that starts the first stanza is they fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the thoughts they had and add some extra just for you. So um confession time. And my daughter, you know, she hit her, my oldest daughter hit her stride relatively late as a teenager, but when she did, like she was instant expert levels, you know, like those toddlers that never babble or attempt speech, and then suddenly, all of a sudden, they come out with fully formed sentences complete with all the asterisks and ampersands. Um that was her, you know, just for the added effect. And literally anything could be turned into combat by her, and she was really, really, really good at engaging me in fights. And every time we'd had a big emotional to-do blowout, I would be the one who would always insist that we need to talk this through, this is too exhausting, we can't keep doing this, because it was on a repeat and uh and it never ended anywhere. And so I would insist on us talking it through afterwards. She was a little bit reluctant about that, but I wanted to find a way to avoid repeating it. And during one of these, I called it a post-match analysis. I don't know if that uh resonates for uh for an America. Yes, so either, you know, when they discussed the football afterwards. So we were having a post-match analysis, and all of a sudden she just shrieked. You know, I told her again, I love you so much, you know, like why is this happening? She got in my face and just was, I know you love me and I love you, and that is not the point. And the penny finally dropped for me that she wasn't looking for any more validation from me. She was actually looking for me to set a boundary. And that was a problem because I didn't know how to set one, because the boundaries that had been set for me were not boundaries that I wanted to emulate, you know, quite a lot of old school rage and disciplinarian attitudes involved. And I had I had, you know, kind of taken a vow that I would not parent like that. But it was clear that that's what she was asking for. And when your child needs you to do something, then you set about learning how to, don't you? And that's when I um that's when I got interested in my triggers. You know, the buttons she was pushing in me, that meant that I either got angry or got sad, and and that would escalate the conflict between us. And as I learned to remove, you can call them triggers, you can call them buttons. I sort of used to call them triggers, I'm now calling them buttons more. But as I learnt to uninstall those buttons in me that she was pushing on the regular, I, you know, and I am to this day so grateful to her for doing that because for each one removed, I I had more power for myself and more energy. And not just her, but other people couldn't trigger me. I had more control of myself. And um, you know, as as as our you know, the the the fights just fell away, they just disappeared. There was never anything so because she just couldn't push my buttons, I could remain calm no matter what she said or did. And our relationship blossomed and became, you know, what it still is today, just really close, deep, easy, honest, and a lot of fun. And I, you know, and and that was sort of when I started focusing my work on supporting parents to uninstall their own buttons and heal their triggers so that their relationship with their children can can uh be given the space it needs to grow. Which is what it what you know, which is what it will do when you find a way to kind of lead your teenagers through adolescence. You know, and I get to hang out with my little grandchildren, which might not have been possible. I was even at birth their births, which might not have been possible if I hadn't learned how to set an embodied, solid boundary for my daughter, you know, with with no raging, no shouting, no asterisk.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

Well, that's incredible. And I am I I love that you know you were able to figure this out and not only benefit your family, but now you work with other families to help them. I think that anybody with teenagers would be nodding in agreement, being like, yep, they know how to push my buttons. And oftentimes we say it though, in a way of like, they're doing it intentionally. It's their fault. This is their issue that they're pushing my buttons. And you've already kind of flipped that script on me to make me realize I'd never considered it this way. But it's still my responsibility on how I respond, right? And so um, so how do we, if we're just starting to think about it this way, how do we I can instantly think of like, oh yeah, I that's one of my buttons, right? But how can we identify them if we're just thinking they push my buttons, but I don't really know what they're saying or what they're doing or why it bothers me. So how do we begin to dive into figuring out what our buttons are to start with?

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Yeah. Um

Finding Your Buttons And Triggers

SPEAKER_00 7:23

I and I think there are, you know, there are sort of some very common buttons for for for all parents and teenagers. And um, you know, so one of them is kind of when they're being sassy. Is that an American? Yes, oh yeah. Uh and have attitude, and then there's sort of, you know, the big emotional outbursts of I hate you. Uh, and then I thought the one I would talk uh about today because of because of your your um speak out standout is another button that uh it it that sort of shuts parents down as well. When when you suspect that there's something going on, but they you you just get the hand, they won't talk to you, they won't let you in, you're not allowed, you know, conversation is just shut shut down, they disappear to the bedroom. Excuse me, because that can really um trigger parents.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

I would had never considered that a button, but you're absolutely right. That is one of the most triggering ones.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

But you go into real fear about what's going on, you know, what what you know I can maybe like loss, am I losing them? What's going on? Why can't I reach them? Why won't they talk to me? So so it's a subtle one, that one, but I just thought it fitted in really well with what you um and how do we know whether it's and you know that's such a good question. Is it is it you have a button there that maybe you know you were you were shut down a lot as a teen, you weren't allowed to say anything, or nobody asked you, or you you have some wounding there, or is it just genuinely? I think parents parents have the best most fine tuned operating system to detect whether there's genuinely something going on for their children. So I really wouldn't want you to ignore that, uh, because that's trust your instinct on that. If you suspect that something is untoward, then you must act on that. Um so the the answer to your question is perhaps not so simple, but I think if you react very, very fast, that's a chance that it's a button being pushed. Something in your past that has never been resolved. So another example from from my children, my uh, you know, I had a daughter who was being bullied at school, and I she I would give her a lift to school and then I would carry on to my place of work, and I would drop her off, and my, you know, I'd be as brave as I could be for her and send her in, and I would then just I would arrive at my own place of work so upset and crying and just a mess. And I this is at a time when I sort of discovered my the my main tool that I used with parents called EFT tapping. I don't know if you know it, but I so I worked on that feeling in me, you know, she was she was made that her situation, which was about her, and understandably as a mum, I was upset about her upset, but I wasn't helping her by being upset because actually it became all about me.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

And when I did the work to dive into that, why I was so useless at dealing with the school, at talking to the teachers, I was so triggered, I would I would cry when I was trying to get them to listen and understand and help her. But I realized that I had been goodied at exactly the same age as she was when it happened to her. And that had I had completely forgotten about it. Completely. It it you know, but there it was, buried somewhere in me. And my way of looking at those buttons, those triggers, is kind of X marks the spot on the treasure map of your life. And it's a gift that your teenager is giving to you by pointing out that you have something unresolved that you need to deal with in order to improve the communication between you and your teenager. Does that make sense? It does. It does, yeah. Yeah. So you get a two, you get a two for one, because you get to feel better for yourself and you get to to um to see your child's problem cleanly and clearly, and you get to be able to help them.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

It well, I that makes a lot of sense. And I think that, you know, just in hearing your story, which is I know bullying is such an issue and um it is such a scary thing too for our kids to experience. And and knowing, you know, obviously we have issues with suicide rates and things like that with kids. I think any parent who has a child who's been bullied is it's such a fear of theirs. But you tied it back and said you realized you had been bullied too. I feel like just as a parent, as an as a person, I don't, I think I had a pretty decent childhood. My parents were loving, and I didn't have any, like I don't have any childhood trauma that people speak of that I know of, but I still have buttons. So does it have to be tied to something that happened in our past, or maybe it is, but it's just so far repressed that we don't remember it, like you said, or is it just human nature to to get upset when we're disrespected?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Um so so this is back to your initial question. Is it

Small T Trauma And Teen Autonomy

SPEAKER_00 12:51

just, you know, is there something in me that that um that is a button, or or is it just unacceptable behavior? But if you go from, you know, if you flip the lid on your thinking brain, if you go from naught to 2,000 miles an hour and you get furious because they give you SAS, or you completely melt down and start crying endlessly because they refuse to talk to you and you can't get in, chances are that there is some form of emotional trauma, small T trauma, not necessarily capital T trauma, but it could be like I have worked with people where just we call it carpet time in primary school, whatever you call the first carpet in the United States, or you you sit on the carpet and you might be asked to read out a little poem you've written or just read from a book and your peers are listening. So many children are um uh are traumatized, in you know, small T trauma, from mangling their words, not getting it right, and somebody just sniggering at them. And that leads to them having a dreadful fear of public speaking or putting their hand up in class because what if somebody sniggers at me? And so my event of being bullied was actually nothing compared to hers. It was it was over in two or three days, it got dealt with really quickly by the teacher, um, and everything was fine really, but it had still never been emotionally dealt with. It was still there, needing to just be felt and let go of. Um, I had a I worked with a young teacher, newly qualified, and we did, and and she was being bullied by her A-level students, which is whatever that is in the American high school, maybe. Like advanced students, right? Or okay. Yeah, sort of uh 17, 18.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

And uh and she was newly qualified, and that went back to an event when she was in primary school and they'd all been out playing, and in the morning they'd make biscuits, and they'd been out playing, or cookies you call them, and uh and they came in so they had to wash their hands before going in because they were full of sand and stuff, and she she went like this, she couldn't see the towel, she went like this, and the teacher told her off for ruining the biscuits, the cookies. And that lodged in her like a and so when these these art students, these sassy 18-year-old art students, were giving lip to somebody who was only four years older than them, she fell into that place of just paralyzed.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

So that's not a big thing, is it, either? Being told we've all been told it, but sometimes when you're really sensitive or it's a bad time, you know, I don't know, it's always a perfect storm when these things get lodged. It's not often. But what what's important to know as well is your teenager is not setting up, they are not like sniffer dogs trying to find your buttons to push. Far too much going on for themselves. You know, they are having a complete renovation adolescence, and they've got loose wires hanging out, an extension being built, their synapses are being pruned, they're learning so much new stuff. They haven't hatched a plot to that's not what's going on. But if they realize that they can push your button and get you out of sort, for want of a better word, they've achieved one object of adolescence, which is to separate out from you and get autonomy. And all of a sudden, you know, anybody who can make you angry has power over you. And so if they've done it once, then they will exploit it.

SPEAKER_04 16:34

Gotcha. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

The loop I said I was in with my daughter, she had worked out how to do it.

unknown 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

And so when she could make me miserable, you know, do you have that saying, misery loves company? Yeah, well, it does. And so if you can make your mum or your dad miserable, then you're not alone in your misery.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

And you're not having to deal with whatever made you stroppy in the first place and wanting to have a fight.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Because now it's become about your fight with your mum or your dad. But actually, the job of adolescence is for you to learn to take responsibility for your feelings and for you know to expand your window of tolerance so you can stay within it without falling into fight or flight or flopping freaks.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:23

W this makes a lot of sense. I've never considered it in this way, ever. Um,

Staying Calm With Co Regulation

SPEAKER_04 17:28

do you so do you think though that so your your perception is that we won't avoid these situations by anything that we say or don't say. It's really figuring us out ourselves out first to be able to avoid the traps of the buttons. Or are there things that we can say or not say in these scenarios that help as well?

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you we all know that. Put you know, put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put it on. And it's about if if you, you know, so so you do you know the hand model, Dan Siegel's sort of hand model of the brain?

SPEAKER_04 18:05

Yes, but but explain it again. Somebody has showed us this before on the podcast, but explain it again for anybody who didn't watch that episode.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

So this is your brain, and this is your teenager's brain, and so we all have this frontal cortex here, which is much newer in terms of evolution. You know, that that we you know, we just share it a little bit with the bigger apes, uh, but nobody else has it. But we all have the amygdala that runs down the the brain stem and it's in charge of safety. And it it's a very yes-no life, death, you know, it doesn't really care if you're happy or not, it just wants to protect you. And so if your child is really disrespectful and rude to you, and that feels like a threat and something that shouldn't be happening, it will flip the lid on your thinking brain. Yes, your frontal cortex will be taken offline, and your third part of your brain, all your emotion, the limbic brain, will be exposed, and all that anger will pour out for their for their disrespect. But they also have one, and they are children, they are adolescents, they are learning, and they need to co-regulate, they need a regulated, calm brain because we have mirror neurons, so they will do what you do, not what you say. And if you can stay calm when they are flipping the lid on their brain and being rude and horrible, and don't for also, it's important to know that teenagers really can't read facial cues, they will pick up tone. It was the way you said it. You know, they will pick up tone, they are a little bit paranoid, that part of their brain hasn't developed, and it it seems like paranoia. It is just a really normal part of adolescence. You look really angry when you're just like, Well, I'm not, you know, like not not at all. Like, sorry, I've got this round, but that was my mum's, you know. They interpret a neutral voice as threatening quite a lot, and so they will flip, you know, when you ask them for the third time to pick up the uh to empty the dishwasher, and perhaps perhaps there's a little bit of exasperation creeping in that was you know, and if you then go, then it escalates, and then we've got thunder and lightning. Yeah, but you can stay down here and just go, well, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry. You know, I can see it made you angry, but that was not my intention. I was just asking about when you were going to enter the dishwasher. So that that's a good way of it. I call it a sort of politician's apology, you know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

They can't argue with it, but then they'll probably because they're quick, aren't they? They'll come back and say, Well, now it's not a good time. And then you just go, Well, I'm I'm really sorry it's not a good time. But it is your chore, and I do need it done. I can't start cooking. But I'll give you five, and you can come back and do it. And so that you staying calm and regulated is how they learn, how to manage that feeling of anger. And and it is a learning process, it doesn't happen automatically. They are supposed to be doing what they're doing. And your job is and this is why I say it's a gift, because if you can't stay calm, if you do flip, it is because you have some unresolved emotional trauma somewhere that means that um you know, like like m my daughter being bullied, what yeah, I I worked with a father who had absolutely sworn on his life that he would never ever lay a hand on his children and he would never unleash the rage on them that his father had unleashed on him and his brothers. It was non-negotiable, he would never do that. And then his older son turned into a teenager and he pushed that button relentlessly, and and dad would just loose it again and again and again. And and I just think if we can see that as a gift from your teenager, that they are giving you the chance to work on something unresolved in you and just uninstall that button and and be able to be in the room when your teenager is being sassy.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

Yeah. This army, I wish I would have talked to you uh years ago because you you would have my oldest is 17. Now and he is he's very similar to me, and so we you know handle things the same, and that can not be great at times, and so we certainly went through a phase where I feel like he was pushing my buttons, and I was very quick. And and now, like the things you're saying all make perfect sense. The dishwasher was usually one of the issues, and he would say that you're well, you're mad at me because I haven't done that and same thing, and I would be like, I'm not mad at you, but he felt that I was. And the one of the beautiful things about this podcast and being able to talk to experts like you is it has helped me tremendously as a parent. And one of the key things that I have learned is to be able to zip it instead of retorting back. And if I can't zip it, walk away really quick and whisper it to myself or whatever, whatever I need to do. But when I stopped reacting to him, he stopped reacting to me. It's exactly what you're saying. Like when I stopped raising the bar, then he did too. And all of a sudden, there really was much more calm around here. And it just took it for me, it was a matter of realizing like I I'm creating the problem here, you know, because of the way I'm responding to him. And as the adult, I need to be aware of that. I need to take ownership of that. And it it absolutely changed our relationship.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

Glad to hear that.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Can I cycle back to asking about if you have a child who just is withdrawn and shut down?

SPEAKER_04 24:07

Would

When Your Teen Shuts Down

SPEAKER_04 24:08

love to talk about that too. My youngest son is that one. So I'd like to hear what you have to say about this one too.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

So use your gut. I mean, if you think that, oh my god, what have they watched online? Is this has this happened suddenly? Isn't you know, is there something going on? Um, but generally, again, because how old is your youngest?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

13.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

13. So yeah, fully fledged adolescent now. But every time you kind of suspect that, you know, are you okay? Is there something wrong? Is there something you need to tell me? You know, because you don't seem fine, you know, please do tell me. You are asking your teenager to perform to articulate something that they actually probably can't yet manage. You know, the gap between what what you're asking of them and the fact that they can't really answer it can create shame for them. And shame above all other emotions makes us close down even further. And I know um, you know, that not asking can feel impossible for you, and that's why it comes with that caveat that I trust your instincts. But if if you are, if you think you know, you can't get through to a close teenager by asking more if they won't respond. You pushing harder, what we resist will persist. So take the pressure off completely and just be in the vicinity of them. You know, have them do the homework while you're cooking. Um drive them somewhere and and and just talk about something totally not relevant to anything. To just let the signal to them that you're not always gonna be pecking at them to disclose.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

And and that way you rebuild safety for them. And when we feel safe is when we can open up. I mean, that's for all of us, isn't it? Not just teenagers. And and sort of sort of back to that car one or go for a walk, side-by-side conversations with adolescents, as most of us discover by accident, is the way to go. Because eye contact can feel really threatening to them, and that's part of that neurological massive job that happens in their brain for those seven years where they're adolescents. So it can really that eye contact can can can threaten their their their threat response. So side-by-side conversations is a good is a good way to get it. And you know, maybe repair if you have created pressure to talk, maybe repair that with the sort of, you know, you know, I've been thinking about it and and I am sorry. I I I didn't mean to be pushy on, you know, or putting pressure on you to talk. I I I'm sorry. And just leave it there. No buts, no ifs, no, I'm really worried. Because it's not their job to manage your worry. You can say, I am worried about you, but that you don't need to you don't need to worry about that. That's my job. I can deal with my worry about you.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

That makes a lot of sense. And and if we're implying that that we're worried and it's their fault, I'm sure that's just adding more pressure to whatever is already going on inside of their head.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Yeah. And then again, how are you approaching them? Are you full of your own anxiety and worry? Because, you know, you were like that when you were a teenager and you don't want them to be shy, like you say in your introduction, you know, and so now they're not talking. Does that mean that you've done something wrong? If that's, you know, if that's what you're cycling around, then you need to deal with that for you. Take that out of the picture so that you can just be present to whatever is going on for them.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

I I think that you know, you're hitting the nail on the head like with seriously, like you're applying both of these conversations to both children in my life perfectly. Uh, but it is very hard for in in, I think probably a lot of moms feel the same to not know when something's obviously got them down and we don't know what it is. But then I have to tell, and and you're exactly right. If I ask, I'm I'm not getting anything at all. He is, I'm fine, mom, I'm fine, you know, and that's it. And the more I ask, the worse it gets. And so, um, and he will talk to me whenever he is ready to and when he wants to. And I know he doesn't tell me everything that bothers him. And and that's okay too. I think as moms, we have to realize that, you know, that we we don't want them to be 28 years old and telling us every single thing that bothered them that day. At some point, they do have to work through these things on their own. So they're learning to do that during this age, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:56

And that's for us, that's

Stop Fixing And Start Containing

SPEAKER_00 28:58

that transition, isn't it, from from picking them up and kissing it better, which we've been doing up until then. And it's been our job to do, and there wouldn't be a human race if we didn't, you know, because it's simply too difficult to be a parent. But when they become teenagers, we do have to parent them differently. And and and the way that looks is by by letting them feel their own feelings without us theiring it away or kissing it better and just letting them stay with it and and work it out with our stuff, you know, with our calm, steady, rounded presence that just is open to conversation when they're right.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

And I think, you know, this is something that's come up here recently too. And then when I was talking with different experts, I think that when they do open up to us, it's very hard as parents not to, like you said, try to fix it and say, oh, well, you that teacher uh shouldn't have done that. Do you want me to? I'm gonna call and talk to them, you know? And and that's the a fast way to get them to shut down too, because they don't want mom intervening and things like that. So I it has been harder for me to step back and just let him let them talk. And then, well, what do you think you should do about that scenario, as opposed to me saying, I'm gonna fix this for you, you know? And then also if it's something like, well, maybe I maybe I was doing something I really shouldn't have been doing, mom. And I gotta tell you, and you know, the way we respond to that too is going to make or break whether or not they feel comfortable telling us the next time. Like it's it's but it's so hard to get out of this. I want to fix and correct. I want to fix something that's wrong if somebody has wronged you, and if you've done something wrong, I need to correct you for it. And that's very hard to get out of. But I feel like we have to to maintain those relationships with these growing young adults, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Yeah, we do. I think of um, I think Albra, you know, when you um you know, when you make bread, four ingredients flour, water, yeast, and salt, kids, food, love, fresh air, and and and shelter. And you need and you need and you need and you need and you need for sorry, you you you mix it all together and then you need it for for 13 years or so, and you've got this lumper child, this lump of dough, and if you just put that on a surface because you finished with it, it's just gonna flop and fall off and land on the floor as a sticky mess. Your job as a parent after all that needing becomes to be the container brick-solid container, rock solid container, so that that child can rise and prove up through the years of adolescence and come out the other again as a as an adult who can take responsibility uh for themselves and their feelings. And so, yeah, you your job really does change, and that's hard. It's hard. You know, we've we we we love them so much, and we do want to rescue them, but then they're not learning for themselves, right?

SPEAKER_04 32:04

Well, Inger, this has been an a very enlightening conversation for me. I feel like I could talk to you all day and keep soaking up these tidbits. But is there anything

Lead With Values Not Random Rules

SPEAKER_04 32:13

else that we didn't touch on that you want to share with our audience before we wrap up today? Any other tips or strategies or words of wisdom to live by?

SPEAKER_00 32:24

I just think that piece of self-reflection, if they can't if if you are if the buttons are being pushed, remember that family dynamics, you know, you're it's a dance with your teenager, right? It's a dance, you are dancing together. They are not reacting into a void, they are reacting against you and your response in that dance. You know, if you step on their toes in a dance in the tango, we both know that we've stepped on each other's toes, and that's where it goes wrong. But your job as a parent is still to lead. Lead the tango. There needs to be somebody who leads, and that's still your job, but you've got to find a way of doing it that isn't authoritarian and telling that's you you mentioned asking questions, that's a great, you know, giving choices. Um and somewhere I've got a blog where I talk a lot about having values as a family that can act as a bit of instead of having all these rules, you know, you've got to be home at a certain time. If you have a, you know, in our family, we value safety. And so the coming home time curfew, I think, is nine o'clock. And it's for a reason because it's about safety. And then it that's those values are like a shield that you're holding. It's not because you're so annoying and make up these rules randomly. Do you you know, and we respect each other in our family, and the way you just talk to me, that just wasn't respectful, and that's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

I didn't want to cut you off if you were it.

unknown 34:05

Yeah, I think.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Okay, okay. Well, again, this has really been very interesting, and you have a lot more information out there for parents. I'm sure people are listening and are like, okay, this hits home. I need to, I need to learn more from Anger.

Free Resources And How To Connect

SPEAKER_04 34:18

So tell us, I know you have a freebie and then you have um your network. Tell us a little bit more about what people can find. I mean, we'll obviously link to everything, but what can they, what kind of information do you have out there or what resources?

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Yeah, I think the place to to probably start is to visit my website, and on the front page, there's um there's um the the the when your teenager pushes every button, which is a sort of free freebie with three different videos about um why does it keep happening, what's happening in your teenager, and what do you what can you do about it as a parent. Okay. Um and it's ingamasson.com buttons is is the is the direct on just my website. And yeah, I'm on I'm I'm kind of there's lots of blogs to read as well on that website, and I'm on the socials. I think I've sent them to you, have I?

SPEAKER_04 35:09

Yes, yeah, and so if you're listening or watching, the links to all of that are gonna be wherever you're at. So you can easily hop over there and grab the freebie, follow her on socials.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

In about I don't even know what date it is. End of August, isn't it? 1st of October. Uh I am doing uh the parenting teens class. Understand their brain, stay sane. It's um it's a one and a half hour free class. Now it's on at 6 30 UK time, so that should work for you guys. Sign up for it, and it it's um it's already on my website um to sign up for. I just can't remember the URL, but I'll send it to you. Um if you sign up for that, and then maybe just send me um because I don't normally send out um uh recordings, but if you if you if if one of your listeners want to listen to it, then just send me an email and say, hey, I'm in American, that time is rubbish, I'm at work. I'll happily send it to them. Send them. Awesome.

SPEAKER_04 36:20

That sounds great. I will certainly be there myself. And um, and like we said, if you're listening, all the links for all of these things that we've talked about are right wherever you are. Um, so be sure to, you know, grab the freebie, check out the class, and follow Inger on any of her socials and continue to learn more because you definitely taught today.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

Well, and I do a sort of um fortnightly Facebook Live where you can submit a question and I'll answer it.

SPEAKER_04 36:47

Oh, great.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

That's also an option.

SPEAKER_04 36:49

Okay, fantastic. Well, lots of ways to learn from you. Well, Inger, again, thank you for being here. We appreciate your time and your insight. And to everyone listening, thanks so much for listening.